Programmers and Programming Jokes, Computer science jokes, Codding jokes

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How come legacy programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 (Octal 31 = Decimal 25)

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Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

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A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire.
The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said:
"Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said:
"We have here the driver's guide.
I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said:
"First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again.
Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said:
"Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

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I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access.
It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except роrn sites.

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A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.

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Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…

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Fed up with your computer winning at chess?
Try it at kick-boxing instead!

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Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

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Why did the lumberjack get nowhere with the internet?
He kept logging on and off.

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You realize that you are dependent of the internet when:
You forget in what year you are.
You get out from you’re room and you discover that you’re parent moved and you don’t even know when that happened.
You dream only of quick connections.
You open you’re interphone when you get out from you’re room so you can hear when you get an e-mail.

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What goes ‘choo choo choo’ while online?
Thomas the search engine.

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This website may not be idiот proof, but at least it’s diмwiт resistant.

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Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and restart.
Order shall return.

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Two packets walk into a bar.
One of the packets asks the bartender for a drink, and gets no response
The other packet tries and the bartender shrugs him off.
One packet leans to the other and says, "The quality of service here is terrible!"

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C program run.
C program crash.
C programmer quit.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a computer?
A: Hairy Reasoner.

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What did the psychiatrist say to the android kleptomaniac?
DON'T keep taking the tablets!

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Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

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