Relationship Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

Why do women love gold more than men?
Because gold has 24 carrots whereas a man only has 1 carrot !

0

0

I disabled my popup blocker earlier today, or got a divorce as some people call it.

0

0

Slept on the sofa last night. Apparently when my wife asked me to bring her something from the store for pancakes she wasn’t talking about a вrа.

0

0

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."

0

0

Normally, I don't go for the piercings and tattoos, but then she said to me that she got them because she's addicted to the pain. Yeah, which -- I was kind of intimidated, but kind of turned on at the same time. 'Cause y'all don't know, but I've been out of a relationship for three months now. I'm ready to have that just-out-of-prison sеx.

0

0

Yesterday I went through a costly and painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed.
Still, I got some fantastic wedding presents.

0

0

Can’t believe how long my wife and kids spend on eBay. It’s been weeks and still nobody has made a bid for them.

0

0

W. Washing
I. Ironing
F. F*cking
E. Etcetera

0

0

Q. What does an Ikea cabinet and a marriage have in common?
A. One sсrеw out of place and the whole thing falls apart.

0

0

Just broke up with my girlfriend. Don‘t know where me and Helen (or ‘saggy тiтs’ as I used to call her) went wrong.

0

0

I love blind dates. I spent the whole time staring at her тiтs and she didn‘t even notice.

0

0

My wife recently told me she wanted to go around the world so for her birthday I decided to buy her an atlas.

0

0

Yesterday I asked my wife what she wanted for her upcoming birthday and she told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds. I hope she likes the pack of playing cards I got her.

0

0

A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what do you do with a phone without service? You play games.

0

0

When I was a kid me and my dad used to play hide and seek. He’s been gone for 20 years now, where are you dad?

0

0

"What did I do wrong, baby? [silence] Sweetheart... tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing."
"I know something's wrong..."
"I'm fine."
"Just tell me what I did."
"You know what you did."
"I really don't! Please tell me so I can fix it."
"I shouldn't have to tell you. You should already know."
"Well, please... since I don't... please just tell me!"
[She sighs and turns around.] "Back in 1985..."

0

0

Friends are forever. Until they get in a relationship.

0

0

I have a way with women...
As soon as I open my mouth, they go a-way!

0

0