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Relationship Jokes

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What’s the difference between a whоrе and a wife?
A wife accepts credit cards.
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To make sure I won't be late for work, my girlfriend calls me on the phone every morning to wake me up.
Wouldn't it be easier for her to just lean over, start shaking me, and yell, 'HEY! WAKE UP!'?
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The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Husband: Yeah that’s true. Wars require strategy, planning and logic.
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Item in the "Cyclops Dating for Dummies" book: Never date a cyclops much shorter than you.
Why?
You'll never see eye to eye on anything.
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Today my wife told me that I need to be more spontaneous so I punched her in the throat.
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My wife and I are in what you would call a love-hate relationship.
“She loves me, I hate her”
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Sign up entering a resturant:
NO, we do not have WIFI... TALK TO EACH OTHER!
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My girlfriend said she wanted to watch Jeremy Kyle live in person so I shagged her sister and got her pregnant.
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My wife - Beautiful, kindhearted, great sense of humor… at least one of those things would have been nice.
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It’s my wife’s birthday today so I’ve decided to get her a pair of slippers and a dildо. If she doesn’t like the slippers she can go fuск herself.
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Scientists in Japan have just invest a new camera with a shutter speed that is so fast that they claim they can actually photograph a women with her mouth closed.
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A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Соw Disease. “Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?”
“Sure. Do you know the bulls only sсrеw the cows once a year?”
“Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what’s the relationship between this and Mad Соw?”
“And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?”
“Mr. Brown, that’s interesting, but, what’s the point?”
“Lady, the point is this: if I’m playing with your тiтs twice a day, but only fсuкing you once a year, wouldn’t you go fсuкing mad, too?”
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