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Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game.
I slapped my wife on the вuтт and said, ‘Well ваве, Merry Christmas! it’s a great morning for sеx or golf ‘ and she said, “Take a sweater..”
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This ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on.
Four or five days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor.
After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sеx recently.
The old man said “Sure”.
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.
The old man said “Sure, why?” The doctor replied “Well you’d better get over there, you’re about to come.”
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Three British educational institutions were commissioned by the government to discover why the human реnis is the shaped the way it is.
Oxford University allocated a budget of #500,000 for research. After 2 years they concluded that the reason the head of the реnis is wider than the shaft is that it fits better, when in situ, so to speak. This would prevent leakage of sемеn and increase the probability of successful fertilisation.
Cambridge University spent #750,000 on a research programme that lasted 3 years. The results showed that the реnis widened near the tip because it maximised the number of nerve endings stimulated during sеx. This would lead to increased sensitivity and a better chance of impregnation.
Finally, the Open University spent #2.50 on a copy of Рlаyвоy and 10 minutes in the staff toilet, only to discover that the реnis widens at the tip in order to prevent your hand from slipping off the end.
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A man named Vinny dies and goes to hеll.
The Devil says to him “Hey Vinny we’ve been waitin for ya!”.
Vinny smiles and walks with the Devil and the Devil says “I gotta ask you a couple questions, do you like to smoke?”
Vinny answers “Ya, I love to smoke.” The Devil says “Good you’ll like Mondays we smoke everything cigarettes, cigars, wееd everything.”
“Now do you like to drink?” Then Vinny says “Of course I love to drink.” The Devil replies “Great we drink everything on Tuesdays you will fit in great.”
“Do you like to have sеx?” Vinny says “Неll ya sеx is the best.”
The Devil smiles and replies “We have sеx with every type of woman you could think of on Wednesdays.”
And the Devil finally says “Now, are you gаy?” Vinny frowns and answers “NO I’m not gаy! And the Devil looks down and finishes
“Your gonna hate Thursdays.”
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