Jokes

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How did stephen hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall

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When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

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My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

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Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it

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I wanted to see if she was Anorexic, So I through a Funyun at her to see if she’d use it as a Hula hoop or inhale it.

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If we can’t see air can fish see water?

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I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal sized eyes.

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The W in African stands for water

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Two cows standing in a paddock, one says moo, the other turns to him and says ‘I was just going to say that’

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Where do cows go on holiday? – Moo Zealand.

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What do you call a соw with no legs?
(Ground Beef!)
No, a соw! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a соw!
What do you call a DOG with no legs?
(A dog?)
It doesn’t matter what you call it, as it’s never going to come.

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I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant

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Most people say I’m a clown.
Yet they don’t laugh at my jokes.
Most people avoid me, because I’m a “clown”.
Yet I’m not the center of the circus.
But I know I’m gonna be a clown forever.
Because I can’t take this dамn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I’m being called a clown…because my smiling face is fake…

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If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first?
The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo

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What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant? A ВОNЕ-zai tree. But if they don’t like that one, how about a S-pine tree?

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Whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting ‘Remind me later’ on his Windows Updates.

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I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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What’s the difference between a dirтy bus stop and a lobster with воовs? – One is a crusty bus station and the other is a вusтy crustacean.

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