• Home
  • Joke Categories
  • Popular
  • Jokes From our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Jokes-441655979354080)
  • Funny pictures
  • Most popular
  • Newest jokes
  • Aviation Jokes
  • Christmas Jokes
  • Corona virus jokes (Covid - 19), Coronavirus
  • Dad Jokes
  • Genie jokes
  • Gynaecology Jokes, Gynaecologist Jokes
  • Jewish Jokes
  • Jokes about US Elections 2020 Trump vs Biden
  • Jokes From our facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Jokes-441655979354080)
  • Knock-knock jokes
  • Lawyer Jokes
  • Masturbation jokes
  • Nurse jokes
  • Old People Jokes
  • Psychology, Psychotherapy, and psychiatry jokes, Shrinks Jokes
  • Rude Jokes
  • Scots jokes, Scotsman Jokes, Scottish jokes, Scotland Jokes
  • Sex Jokes
  • Vulgar jokes
  • Weed Jokes
  • Blonde Jokes
  • Chuck Norris
  • Dark Humor
  • Dirty jokes
  • Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
  • Donald Trump Jokes
  • Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes
  • Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes
  • Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes
  • Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
  • Putin jokes, Vladimir Putin Jokes
  • Valentine's Day Jokes
Български English Deutsch Español Русский Français Italiano Ελληνικά Македонски Türkçe Українська Português Polski Svenska Nederlands Dansk Norsk Suomi Magyar Româna Čeština Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
My Jokes Edit Profile Logout
  1. Newest jokes
  2. Bad Habits Jokes

Bad Habits Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
В бара влиза мъж. Влегува маж во бар Влиза мъж в бар Влегува Цветко во бар
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, “I’d like to buy those two ladies a drink.” The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good.”
The man, with a confused look on his face says, “It doesn’t matter, I want to buy those women a drink.” The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads.
About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, “I’d like to buy you two another drink.” The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.”
The man says, “I don’t understand. What do you mean it won’t do me any good?” The first lady says,
“We’re lеsвiаns.” The man replies, “Lеsвiаns? What are lеsвiаns?” The second woman replies, “Lеsвiаns… We like to liск рussys.”
The man says, “Bartender, three beers for us lеsвiаns.”
0
0
4
I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.
Until the LSD wears off and I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.
0
0
4
I heard that quitting smoking is one of the most empowering things you can do in life.
I didn’t want to miss out, so I took up smoking.
0
0
4

Тази сутрин едва се събудих. В кафеварката вместо вода съм сипал Ред Бул и си направих двойно кафе. Чак на “Цариградско шосе” забелязах
This morning I used Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee.
After 15 minutes of driving on the motorway, I realised I left my car at home.
0
0
4
I went to the library and asked for a book on rohypnol.
That’s the last thing I remember.
0
0
4
I was at the track on Thursday and decided to put down £10 to win on a gelding called “politeness.”
Polite he was. He let all the other horses run in front of him.
0
0
4
After I won at poker last night, a mate asked,
“How come you’re so lucky at cards yet so unlucky at the horses?”
I said “I don’t get to shuffle the horses.”
0
0
4
I’ve got a part in a play about сосаinе addicts in rehab.
I don’t have any lines though.
0
0
4
I’m addicted to brake fluid but I’m sure I can stop any time.
0
0
4
After lots of careful research, I’ve devised an infallible way to win at Roulette.
Step one: open a casino.
0
0
4
What’s the difference between сосаinе and ecstasy?
Fingering my аnus doesn’t bring me сосаinе.
0
0
4
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
SYMPTOM: Вееr unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
SYMPTOM: Вееr tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Вееr consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
SYMPTOM: Вееr is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in.
FAULT: You’ve wandered into the wrong party.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The вееr is too weak.
SYMPTOM: Don’t remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Вееr is just right.
0
0
4

My sister walked up to me this morning and with disgusted look on her face said to me: ‘You’re on drugs again!!!’
She could be right… I’m an only child.
0
0
4
Every cigarette you smoke takes five minutes off your life.
According to my calculations, I should have died in 1879.
0
0
4
Breakfast - - - The Most Important Cigarette of the day
0
0
4
Mothers everywhere: Do not be mystified by the mysterious substance that forms a dry crust on your teen’s socks and stiffness on his bedsheets and pajamas.
It poses no danger unless you accidentally get it too close to your hoo-hah.
It’s called pornstarch and washes down the drain on the first spin cycle.
0
0
4
I put a thousand pounds on a horse.
The fuскing thing collapsed.
0
0
4
I stopped smoking wееd the day after I spent 30 minutes looking for my phone under the bed… …
,,,
…. While using my phone’s flashlight
0
0
4
  • Previous
  • Next

Privacy and Policy Contact Us