Bible Jokes

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Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

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A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have sеx with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."

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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into вееr.

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Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.

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Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.

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Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time?
A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.

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One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

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Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.

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"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"
Sony 16:9

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Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
A: He thought he saw a job.

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Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist?
A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.

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Q: Who was the best business woman in the Bible?
A: Pharoah's daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.

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Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.
The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible.
All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

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Good luck breeding those lions

Good luck breeding those lions

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