Butt jokes

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What do you call the вuтт end of a banana?
The bananus.

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A man notices that his wife’s вuтт is growing in size. “I’m sure your вuтт is as huge as my grill.”
His wife scoffs, but he grabs a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and taunts her that they’re approximately the same size.
That night, he attempts to see if he can strike it rich. “Not tonight,” his wife responds.
He asks her why not, to which she responds, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-аss grill for one little wеinеr?”

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What do you call a ghost that lives in your вuтт?
An аss-soul.

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Which state is a pain in the вuтт to go to?
Prostate.

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What do you call when someone gets a trophy of a cat’s вuтт?
It is a catastrophe.

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A girl takes her big fат cat to the vet.
“My cat is very fат,” she says. “Alright,” says the vet. “I will look at him.”

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The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears. Finally, she turns to the girl and says,
“I’m very sorry. I’m going to have to put your cat down.”
“Oh no! Because he’s so fат?”
“Yes,” says the doctor. “My arms are very tired.”

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What do you call a murderer with two butts?
An assassin.

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Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his вuтт?
It was a pane in the аss.

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Do you know what the standard SI unit for insults is?
Butt Hertz.

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What do you call вuтт plugs for men?
Man hole covers.

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What do you call a fат person with a flat вuтт?
A hipobottomless.

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What did the вuтт plug say to the other вuтт plug?
Nothing because they were both up-tight аsshоlеs.

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What happens when you say ‘роор?’
Your mouth moves just like your вuтт-hole does when you роор.

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There was once a woman who was obsessed with naming everything she owned. She bought a house one day and couldn’t decide what to name it, so she told herself, “I’ll sleep on it, and the first thing I see tomorrow morning will be the new name of my house!”
She wakes up the next day and rolls over. Her spouse was outdoors doing yard maintenance. She noticed him bending over with his large hairy вuтт hanging out of his pants, so she named her house Hairy Вuтт.
When she stood up to assist her husband with yard work, a stray dog strayed into their lawn. They opt to keep it. She takes the dog for a stroll and notices that he sniffs all the sidewalk cracks, so she names him сrаск.
The next day the dog runs away, and she calls the police. She tells them, “I looked all over my hairy вuтт but couldn’t find my сrаск!”

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What do you get when you put both halves of your вuтт together?
A buttwhole.

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What’s the similarity between smoking a cigarette and eating p*ssy?
The taste changes the closer you get to the вuтт.

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What’s a more concrete term for вuтт сrаск?
Asphalt.

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