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One of those days when the nature is amazing and people suck

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I can't feel my face when i'm with you It's a stroke! You are having a stroke!

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The man with greatest willpower of the world

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I made a graph showing my past relationships.
It has ex axis and a why axis

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X-Men VS Ex-Men

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When you see your girlfriend's crazy side for the first time

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Due to a shortage of robots, some of our staff are HUMAN and therefore react unpredictably when abused or under pressure

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When people are fighting over emails and you are just in CC

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- Sorry mom, called you by accident.
- No worries, had you by accident

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I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.

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A guy stopped me on the street trying to sell me a coffin.
'That's the last thing I'll need' I said to him.

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Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen:
"Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken."
She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' to the dog!"

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My size, before and after Christmas

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Victoria Secret Launches Mask

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I was a body-builder before it was cool

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I'm no tree expert, but it's definitely not hardwood

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I'm tired of being a specialist in infectious diseases and virology. Today I decided to become an expert on Afghanistan

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Мауbе it wouldn't bе so heavy if they used their arms

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