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I’ve decided to be super lazy today. It’s a lot like normal lazy but i’m also wearing a cape.
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Lame this. Please. I want to see how many it can get before deleted. If u kickass I h8 u
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Q. Why is a baby like an old car?
A. They both have rattles.
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You haven't asked yet.
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
Because I just love hearing this question.
Just lucky, I guess.
It gives my mother something to live for.
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If someone asks you to spell "part A" backwards, don't do it.
It's a Trap.
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Jim had been on a game show for one week straight, getting every question right. At the end of the week the host of the show said,
"Jim, you've been excellent this week. If you answer this question, you will win $60,000 and a new car!"
"Okay!" answered Jim.
"Now as you know," said the host, "you can answer part A or part B of the question first. Which one would you like to take a shot at?"
"Oh, how about part B,"answered Jim nonchalantly.
The host said,
"OK. Here's your question-part B- And in what year did it happen?'"
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You Know You Are at a Maffia Wedding When..."
Everybody is kissing the hand of some old guy in the corner
The guests refer to the Meadowlands as the graveyard
The majority of the guests arrive in вiggеr limos then the wedding party
New York cops have cleared all the streets in a five block radius to make the guests feel comfortable
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The economy is so bad that:The Mafia is laying off judges
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I’ve decided that from now on I’m going to stop drinking. Fed up of waking up in my car doing 90mph.
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A couple is traveling on the Kansas Turnpike resisting 40 to 50 mph crosswinds. At the tollbooth, the husband asks the attendant; “What do you people do in Kansas when the wind stops?” The attendant didn’t miss a beat when he answered, “We take the rocks out of our pockets.”
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Some people say рот smokers are lazy. I disagree. I’m a multitasking рот smoker. Just the other day I was walking down the street, smoking, talking on my cellphone and getting hit by a car all at the same time.
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An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car just six months earlier.
"Listen", the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought this battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"
"Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last longer than that."
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Did you about the Antartian who said he would give his right arm to be ambidextrous?
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Film Producer: I am going to make a movie. Can you suggest a 'heart-touching' title?
Scriptwriter: I got it... Stethoscope!
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Did you hear that they discovered a dope ring at the Antartian factory?
It was 5 Antarians trying to read a blueprint
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Q. What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
A. You picket!
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Jimmy and his mom are walking in the park and they come across a 2 birds f*cking and jimmy asks what are they doing and the mom says there making sandwiches so they keep walking and they see 2 dogs f*cking and jimmy asks what are they doing and the mom says there making sandwiches so they go home and jimmy wakes up in the middle of the night he walks in his parents room and he see's them f*cking so jimmy asks what are you doing the mom says we're making sandwiches and jimmy says then why is there mayonnaise all over your face
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The conductor of the Detroit Symphony Orchestra was having an issue with the percussion section. During rehearsals, it seems they were having a major problem keeping the proper beat, and the conductor was getting madder by the moment.
"Uh oh," one of the drummers remarked. "I think he's ready to вlоw."
"You're right," said the cymbal player. "It looks like we're in for a real tempo tantrum!"
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