Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

When is a joke like a father?
When the punchline's apparent.

0

0

I use Pantene. What do you use?
Mark's.
I use Dove soap. What do you use?
Mark's.
I use Olay lotion. What do you use?
Mark's.
Is Mark an international Brand?
No, Mark is my roommate!

0

0

Dobt you ever wonder who discovered milk? Like theres some guy, finds a соw, pulls on his giant аss utters, found some white liquid, what do you expect "oh im gonna drink this" hey look at me i discovered milk. My reaction would be like: dafuq?

0

0

That moment when you flex your stomach to show off your abs infront of a cute girl and then you sh*t yourself

0

0

Five days of the week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park!

0

0

Unbeatable prices, beatable customers… United Airlines.

0

0

What did Dracula said about his new girlfriend?
Oh, she is my love at first bite!

0

0

I ain't lookin' at your cleavage, I'm gazing in your heart!

0

0

You know what's cool about the day job? Me either.

0

0

My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared.
One January night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
"What did they say?" I asked.
"Well," he muttered, "for the past 30 years they've gone to Florida for the winter."

0

0

Can’t believe how crazy it is out there. Just killed 4 zombies, there’s loads of them walking around carrying sweats.

0

0

What do all the people that spell U in place of YOU do with all that spare time?

0

0

Two idiots are sitting in front of a mirror.
One said,
"Why don’t we meet the two people in the mirror", so they stood up and the other one said,
"Sit, sit they're coming!"

0

0

Hey have you heard about the sidewalk?
No! Well it’s all over town!!!

0

0

An emo and an apple both fall from a tree at the same time who hits the ground first? the apple. the emo was luckily stopped by a rope

0

0

After many years of torment I’ve found a way to deal with my demons.
I’m on their side now.

0

0

Two molecules are walking down the street. One bumps into the other and says,
"Oh, my fault, you okay?”
The Second Molecule says,
"No, I'm not okay. I've lost an electron!"
So the first molecule says,
"Are you sure?"
The second molecule replies,
"I'm positive!"

0

0

During Antiques Roadshow today, I looked at the 19th century mahogany chest of drawers in the corner of my living room and thought:
“Maybe that’s where the fuскing remote is.”

0

0