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A teacher tells the class if they can get the right answer to a question that will be asked every Friday, they can get the Monday off. The first Friday, she asks the class, "How many stars are in the universe?" No one can answer. The next Friday, she asks, "How many grains of sand are on Miami Beach?" Again, no one can answer. Finally, a boy gets a bag full of ping-pong ваlls painted black. The teacher on the 3rd Friday says,
"Now for your question..." and the boys purposely spills the bag of ping pong ваlls everywhere. The teacher madly asks, "Who's the comedian with the black ваlls?" The boys replies,
"Bill Cosby! See you Tuesday!"
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Just quit my job at the cemetery … It was a dead-end job.
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She said to the boutique manager:
"Do you mind if I try on that red dress in the window?"
He said:
"Sure - can't be bad for business!"
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I can’t resist a bargain. So, when I saw that it was buy one box of tissues get two free at the supermarket I filled my trolley up.
Thinking about it now, I probably looked like a bit of a wаnкеr.
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When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
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That awkward moment when your watchimg TV with your perants Then it starts showing роrn.
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Why were the Antartian stare at a carton of orange juice?
Because it said 'Concentrate.' (Get it - concentrate orange juice)
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Just got a $20 voucher for my birthday. Why not just give me a $20 note so I can spend it anywhere without restrictions?
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Just had the following conversation with my boss.
Me:
“Sorry I’m not coming in today. Got chickenpox.”
Boss:
“Don’t give me that!”
Me:
“I won’t. I’m not coming in.”
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Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast!
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Why do pelicans hate taxes?
Because no matter where they turn, they still have an enormous bill in front of them!
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What do you do when balloons are hurt?
You helium.
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What do you call it when you мurdеr a gаy person?
HOMOcide
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What did the educated sweet potato say?
I think, therefore I yam.
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I told her that no sensible person would go out in the cold weather wearing nothing but a bikini.
So she went out with a little моrоn.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I forgot where the sun came up....
Then it dawned on me.
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I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..
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