Jokes

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I quit my job at the helium gas factory...
I didn't like being spoken to in that tone of voice.

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I saw an ad that said,
"Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full".
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down."

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I always take a second pair of pants when I go golfing... in case I get a hole in one.

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What is the difference between a tea bag and Spain. A tea bag stays longer in the cup

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I dropped my burger on the floor. Now it's ground beef.

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My neighbor and I were talking, when he brought up the fact they were going to travel abroad over the holidays to Beijing, China.
I said,
"Oh that's nice, after the first of the year we too are going to travel."
He said,
"Oh where are you all going?"
I said,
"Well we are excited, were going to Walmart to see all the new Chinese products."

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What do you call a Turkey with a limp?
A gobble with a wobble.

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In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue...........
And in 1495 his luggage and baggage finally arrived.

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Crashed my car the other day while on holiday because of a hidden dip on the road. Can’t believe how much houmous people in Greece leaving lying around.

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May Yammow finds it difficult to introduce herself when holidaying in Spain.

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How do you catch a carpenter squirrel (Definition: a squirrel that likes power tools)?
Go to Home Depot and pretend to be nut-wood.

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Me and my mates were busy robbing this CD store when the cops turned up.
Dave grabbed all the pop CD’s and ran off.
Steve grabbed the rock CD’s and also ran off.
Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit.
I was forced to take the rap.

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Notice on the bulletin board at the wrestling arena:
“There will be a rehearsal for tonight’s bout.”

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What's the longest word in the Spanish language?
Gooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaalllll

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If sреrм comes from ваlls, and sреrм goes in a egg, technically ball is life!

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Kickass this if you think there should be a section where you can see where your jokes are instead of browsing to see if it's been accepted

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Two scouts were making a lot of noise on a field trip. The scout master asked them to "please not yell" and to "go find firewood".
One scout turned to the other and said,
"I’ve heard of this before, something about 'talk softly and carry a big stick!'"

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I took the job at a bakery...
Because I kneaded dough!

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