Communication Jokes

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I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fuскs a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fuскs just two guys in a year, she's a sluт.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shiттy lock.
That shut her up.

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Teacher: "What does a duck say?"
Jenny: "Quack Quack"
Teacher: "What does a соw say?"
Madison: "Moo"
Teacher: "What does a pig say?"
Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you мотhеrfuскеr!"

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A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal.
She says to the dentist, "dаrn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal".
The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".

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Q: What do you call a baby Mexican?
A: A paragraph because he's too short to be an essay!

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Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.

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A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads.
The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile."

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Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?"
Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."

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Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunк says, "There's a hеll of a lot of steps here."
The second drunк says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this handrail is вlооdy low down"

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There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties.
Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb.
There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb.
So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb.
Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?"
The boy looks back and says "who? me?"
The man says "yes."
The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker."
The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker."
The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating рussy and moving down the road."

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Yo mama so dumb that when she looked in a mirror she yelled stop copying me.

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In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove.
"Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"
"I'm looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It's called Dante's Inferno."
"I definitely don't want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history."
"Do you have Shakespeare in English?"

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A professor and a doctor both love the same girl.
Each one tries to get rid of the other.
Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week.
Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there.
When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

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Let's walk and talk.
You go that way.

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My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment.
The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat."
He smiled. "Done."

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Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor?
A: Long distance!

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Two men were talking:
First :
"Can U put the word 'реnis' in a sentence?"
Second:
"Yo mama's рussy."

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One day, Muhammad's wife called him a реdорhilе.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"

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A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.
"Was he tall or was he short?"
The businessman replies, "Both!"

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