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One day, Murphy and O'Brien went deer hunting in the woods. They sit in the woods for hours, when suddenly this humongous buck comes into view. With a nice clean shot, O'Brien bangs the buck. They drag it back to camp by the вuтт, but the antlers keep getting stuck. Another hunter says,
"You guys should drag it by the antlers. It won't get stuck." They do, and Murphy yells, "Hey, he was right. He is not getting stuck." O'Brien replies,
"Yeah, but we're getting farther away from camp."
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Do you realize people are prisoners to their phones?
That's why they are called CELL PHONES
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What part of the human body is called the "yet"?
I don't know either, but in the paper it said this lady got shot and they haven't got the bullet out of her yet!
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2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.
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Four out of five dentists recommended flossing every day.
The other one is out killing lions.
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There was an Antartian sitting on the living room floor painting with four coats on. When her husband got home he asked,
"Honey, why are you wearing four coats and painting?" The Antartian replied, "The paint can says the color is better with 3 or 4 coats."
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If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That’s why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.
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I’ll never forget my 1st week as a detective, it was terrifying. I kept seeing ghosts at every сriме scene but then I found out they actually use white blankets to cover the dead.
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This girl i was dating called me and said,
"Come on over there's nobody home," so i rushed over to her house. There was nobody home, that b*tch
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What is the longest word in the world?
Smiles ... because there is a MILE between the first and last letter.
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Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: Tiruvananthapuram.
Teacher: Spell it.
Student: Sorry, I meant Goa.
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What is Experience?
The name people give to their mistakes.
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My mate said “It must be strange having a surname like Head”
I said “It’s much worse for my uncle Diск”
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"I'm a little worried about our mailman. Last week I found a pile of bones on the front walk and the dog was picking his teeth with a postcard."
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Just been sacked from my job as a chef for stealing.
I’ve always been whisk taker.
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Did you hear about the new garlic diet?
You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.
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How do young wizards and witches correct their homework?
They use a spell-checker.
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What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
Rrr?
Nope, it would have to be the letter C (sea).
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