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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.

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You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I sсrеwеd it up.

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DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille

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Have u ever noticed
When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s реnis and say “weII done”

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A slаg is like the first peace of bread in a loaf everyone touches it but no body wants it.

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Me telling depression and suicide joke in front of my friends. My friends: … oh wait i dont have any, so nothin to worry about here.

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Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven’t touch each other or anything, so sir, I did not drop-kick that child

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What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.

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Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher’s shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, “Why yes, as a matter of fact I am.”
"Then I’ll bet you $25 you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says,
"I’m sorry, I won’t take that bet."
The guy says, “But I thought you said you were a gambling man.”
“I am. But the steaks are too high.”

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Did jesus cut his nails?
No! His nails cut through him.

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What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees

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This 15 year old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed unfortunately it killed her dad because it fell off the wall
(Do you get the joke)
(Her dad was on her and it fell and killed him)

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What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual peadophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!!!

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Now you should let your imagination work … imagine nакеd Jesus with an direction… and nail holes in his hands …

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How did the carpenter do on his interveiw?
He nailed it!

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Edward scissor hands: why is it that every time i touch someone they get ofended?
Kids: cause your a physco path

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Why did Steven hawking die? He lost wifi connection and don’t get the data plan.

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How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection

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