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A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

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I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

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What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang

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Whats better than swinging a baby around on a rope???
Stopping it with a shovel.

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I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging

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What do you say after committing inсеsт?
No Chromo!

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Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me:
" ya ur totally right mom…" Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide…

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Person 1: you are the dumbest person in the class. Person 2: well ur the second. Person 2: maybe but at least im not the dummest. Person 2: i know how to fix that! … Next day person commits sucide…

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I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi’s concerts…
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

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My friend committed suicide yesterday…at least he went out with a bang

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Go commit Thanos finger snap.

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I did so much research that I got ВОNЕ-tired from doing this TIBIA honest. You probably didn’t find that HUMERUS. I got a SKELETON of these puns. I guess i could learn a FEMUR puns. I was wondering if the the creators of this site could TALUS how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I’m only 14 years-old.

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Me: I kiss my mom on the lips
Friend: Uh, I guess that’s somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips
Friend: I gotta go

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Voting quarterfinal 1:
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌
Vote for the better joke

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Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.

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Whats the difference between a five year old and and a Democrat…
The five year old doesnt expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Sahapiro 2020)

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Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.

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Do you know a funny bus driver? I do

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