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I Love DUMKING Donuts ( Minion World
I Love DUMKING Donuts ( Minion World

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Bully: suск it!
Sorry small parts are a choking hazard.

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Bully: Your forehead is so big!
Me: But at least its longer then your future

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You: knock knock
Ur friend: whos there?
You:boo!
Ur friend:boo who?
You:ohhhh... Why you so das?

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I hate my mood swings. They're great!

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Honey, do you think I'm fат?
Weeeell, let's put it this way: You're the greatest!

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How to keep your rent constantly low?
Shoot out of the window once a week.

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The boss said I should go home because I really don't look good.
I don't know if I should be happy to get the extra rest, or just offended.

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It’s been 412 days since I’ve been with a girl... I had to go jogging in flip-flops yesterday to at least remind myself of the sound…

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I met an amazing man at a party on Saturday. Wonderful listener, great looking... I gave him my number and winked at him to call me when he gets home. It’s been 4 days, I’m really starting to worry the poor guy is homeless.

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“Have you got anything to drink?”
“Water.”
“I meant something harder?”
“Ice.”

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Mom, can I get a brother?
Sorry, darling. The stork doesn’t bring us babies anymore.
Well then perhaps you can talk to another bird?

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Some annoying cold caller was trying to sell me a luxury coffin. I could only say, “Dude, that is the last thing I’ll need.”

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Hey man, you look like сrар!
Yes, I have a cold.
Jesus, AND you have a cold?!

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My son is 9 and wants to move out because we constantly forbid him everything.
Well, we forbid him that too.

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I like little people, and little people like me. They kinda look up to me.

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To all those people who don't know what real panic is: Try blocking the toilet in your future parents-in-law’s home.

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My grandma gave me this great advice, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” She was right! You just have to really work on your aim.

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