Jokes

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What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering

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- I'm a genie and will grant 3 wishes - what is your 1st?
- I want to be rich!
- What is your 2nd wish, Rich?

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If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a…
Guardian of the galaxy?

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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

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Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!
Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

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I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my аss. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities.
That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

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How can you face your problem, if your problem is your face?!

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What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.

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Add a word to ruin a movie:
- Batman Begins College.
- The Longest Yard Sale.
- Charlottes Web Cam.
View the comments to see more!

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One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

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What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.

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I believe i can flyyy
Got shot by the pizza guyyy
All i wanted was some onion ringggss
From McDonald's or Burgerkinggg
I believe i can soarrrr
Mom slapped me in the grocery storeee
Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr
I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll
Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes.

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*Plays game where I burn fake trees*
ME - Hahahahah!!! HAHAHHAHA!
Person next to me - What are you doing
Me - what do you think?
Person - You are playing with fire?
Me - you just felt the burn!!!

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A monastery decided to start a fish and сhiрs store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!

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My pig developed a rash, so the veterinarian prescribed an oinkment.

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Confucius say:
“Beans in sandy soil causes Dust in the Wind”

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If this gets 100 likes , I will ask my crush out .

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I often try to drown my problems. So I took my wife to the lake.
Kickass I of you get it.

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