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New categories:
Knock Knock Jokes
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Puns

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New categories:
Christmas jokes
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Marriage Jokes

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When somebody makes you really angry, count to three. When you get to two, punch them in the face. They won’t be expecting that.

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New category:
Prank Ideas / Practical jokes

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Are you feeling all alone?
Put on a good horror movie and switch off all the lights, that alone feeling will soon go away.

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Important note from a car manual:
Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.

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4.
In the USA, there are more Chinese restaurants than all the McDonald’s, KFCs, Burger Kings and Wendy’s put together.

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7.
At any given moment, about 0.7% of the people in the world are drunк.

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9.
When you say “a million seconds”, it means 11 and a half days. “A billion seconds” would be over 31 years.

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10.
There are more English speakers in China than in the United States.

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A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”

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A girl asks a boy:
"Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly!"

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Searching for a new laptop online is basically forcing your current computer to dig its own grave.

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What if the spider I killed in my bedroom lived his whole life thinking I was his roommate and died wondering what brought on this psychotic break?

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Why the hеll is there an S in the word ‘lisp’?!

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There are two kinds of people. Some wash their dishes because they just ate; the others wash their dishes because they are just about to eat.

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Interesting, isn’t it, that "take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.

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My head is very slowly 3D printing my hair.

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