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I always wondered why The Muppets had such large protruding eyes. I then realized that if I had a hand shoved up my аss my eyes would do the same.

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Want to see something dissapear?
How
Bend over and lets see

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Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.

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You wanna go camping?
I've already pitched a tent.

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My mom bought cheap toilet paper. Bad decision.
Now we got a real mess on our hands.

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I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in an elevator.

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Don't worry, shiт happens. I mean, look at you!

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How to make anything sound dirтy:
1. Think of a compund word. ex. Butterfly
2. Split the word up and use the first word in the first space. You get the idea.
I'll ___ your ____. Ex. I'll butter your fly

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How do you make a killed stickman with a keyboard?
Thats how....
>-Io

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"Is you refrigerator running?"
"Yes."
"Good, mine too, I will see you at the refrigerator race tomorrow."

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Girls on меnsтruатiоn: Day1: Don`t touch me. Day 2: Hold me. Day 3: Don't talk to me. Day 4: Why won' t you talk to me. Day 5: You never understand me

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Setting:On a computer key board shrunken in size
Harry: My mom must keep her shrink ray here
Jimmy: DAH! SHE KEEPS IT INSIDE THE DRAWER!
Harry:jeez! you don't have to yell.
Jimmy:sorry,I was standing on caps lock

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I want to get a tattoo, but I don’t want to get something that’s going to look sтuрid when I’m older. So I’m getting “World’s Sexiest Grandpa”.

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Whenever I see you there is a smile on my face. And by smile I meant I laugh.

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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EBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

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I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.

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Why are Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen always wet?
Because they are rain deer.

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