Dog jokes

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How do you know if someone adopted their dog?
Don't worry they will tell you

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Every morning this week a German Shepherd has been taking a dump on my lawn
Yesterday he brought his dog.

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What do you call a dog kennel in San Francisco?
Luxury apartments

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Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one?
A retail store.

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As a farmer I've heard lots of jokes about sheep.
I told them to my dog but he'd heard them all.

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What do you call a dog owned by Donald Trump?
A trumpet.

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There's this dog teaching me some new dance moves.
He's a corgi-ographer.

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I don’t mind that my wife thinks I’m crazy.
I mind that I have to hear it from our dog.

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There is a dog in the front yard licking himself.
Two old men sitting on the front porch. There is a dog in the front yard that is licking himself.
First man, "I wish I could do that."
Second man, "That dog would bite you!"

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Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard

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What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!

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Why don’t blind people parachute very often?
It makes their guide dogs really uncomfortable.

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A dog thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… They must be gods…”
The cat thinks, “Wow, the humans are bringing me food every day, they have me live in a nice house away from the cold, they take care of me… I must be God!”

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What creature has four legs and one hand?
A happy Rottweiler returning from his morning walk.

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Dogs are the best alarm clocks.
When they want out, there’s no snooze button that could tame that.

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