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Geek jokes

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What will my computer printer warranty cover?
Your mouse pad.
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Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
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A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie."
Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
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No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
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Word used by programmers when they do not want to explain what they did.
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Програмист : Машина Matematico: una macchina che converte caffè in teoremi.
Programmer: A machine that turns coffee into code.
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Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers the command line.
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CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
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My attitude isn't bad.
It's in beta.
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Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
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Chuck Norris can open Microsoft Windows when he needs fresh air.
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Sатаn greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity.
You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table.
To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Sатаn, allowing Bill to enter the room. Sатаn locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer.
"Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Sатаn.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Sатаn.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
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Chuck Norris can access private methods.
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Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
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