Horse jokes

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Don't order hay for your horse off Amazon.
After a couple of days they'll ask for your feed back.

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You can lead a horse to water,
But in Flint the water will be lead.

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My horse was way more aggressive than usual today
It threw me off

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What's worse than beating a dead horse?
Shooting a live gorilla

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Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?
In a stable environment.
Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

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Which horse runs the city?
The mare, of course

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I named my horse Mayo
Sometimes Mayo neighs

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It just occurred to me that we have to make all the jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker while she's still alive..
Because after she dies it'll be like beating a dead horse...

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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says,
"Why the long face?"
The horse says,
"I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

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I helped Jack off a horse.
Jack seriously needs to learn how to climb down a horse by himself.

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A man goes in to talk to his psychologist.
A man says to his psychologist, "I keep dreaming that I'm a sadistic, necrophiliac zоорhilе. Should I be worried, or am I just beating a dead horse?"

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A horse walks into a church...
Priest says, 'Why the long face?'
Horse replies, 'Evolution'.

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A horse moved next door to me yesterday.
I heard that they make good neighbors.

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So the Lone Ranger and Тоnто are being chased by the bad guys...
To see if they're being closed in on Тоnто puts his ear to the ground to listen for the sound of horse hooves.
"Kimosabe, no soldiers chasing us, buffalo come."
"How do you know that?"
"Ear sticky."

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Why didn’t the horse go to the bar on singles night?
He was already in a stable relationship.

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The Melbourne Cup horse race is on again this coming Tuesday.
I really hope the big goofy orange horse doesn't win.

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A doctor asks a horse, "Why the long face?"
The horse says,
"My alcoholism is destroying my family."

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Proof-reading is vital - for example, you might accodentally type "I helped my uncle Jack off his horse."
When really, all you did was sit and watch.

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