Insults

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Best way to answer phone:
Mario's pizzeria and abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce.

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Girl: * stares at me for 30 seconds
Me: What you looking at ?
Girl: IDK, something ugly.
Me: ВIТСН i ain't no mirror.

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Girl - Lost two pounds this week b*tches!
Me - What did you take off your makeup?

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Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.

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Q: What did one fат person say to the other?
A: Who cares? They're both fат.

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You're as sharp as a marble.

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If I want to hear from an a**hole, I'll fаrт!

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I.Q.
Your IQ is so low, you have to dig for it!

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She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.

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Q: Why do men have holes in their penises?
A: To get oxygen to their brains.

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I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.

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Surf's Up!
What did one surfer say to the other? DUDE!

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Top 10 Ways to Insult The Elderly:
1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw dinosaur bones, and thought of them. 2: For their birthday, you offer to help them вlоw out the candles. 3: On their birthday, you tell the fire department that if they see a large fire, don't water it down, because soggy cake is no good. 4: Explain to them that the reason that no one can see the Christmas tree is because you put on every ornament that they got in their life. 5: Ask them if they got Columbus' autograph. 6: Tell them that the reason that they got no birthday gifts was that everyone had to pitch in to buy the candles. 7: Ask them if the Disney hit Hercules is telling the truth. 8: Ask them in what order God REALLY made the Earth. 9: Ask them if they helped God write the Bible. 10: Ask them if they personally knew Adam and Eve.

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Ways to Say "He's Dumb"
1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
2. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
3. He fell out of the sтuрid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
4. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
5. Forgot to pay his brain bill.
6. A few clowns short of a circus.
7. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
8. Too much yardage between the goal posts.
9. A few beers short of a six-pack.
10. Dumber than a box of hair.
11. A few peas short of a casserole.
12. One taco short of a combination plate.
13. All foam, no вееr.
14. The cheese slid off his сrаскеr.
15. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
16. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt. 2
17. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. 18. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
19. As smart as bait.
20. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
21. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
22. Surfing in Nebraska.
22. In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little farther apart than most.
23. One sandwich short of a picnic.
24. The light's on, but nobody's home.
25. If dumb were dirt, he'd cover about an acre.

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If brains were dynamite...
If brains were dynamite, you couldn't вlоw your nose!

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Bucket of What?
Q: What's the difference between a bucket of сrар and a mother-in-law?
A: The bucket!

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What's the difference between a blonde...
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: An ironing board's legs are hard to open

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Get What?
Where'd you get that? Get what? That sтuрid look on your face!

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