Insults

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I saw a young teenage kid on the subway today. He had a Mohawk hairstyle dyed yellow, green, and red. He caught me staring at him and in a nasty voice asked,
"What the fuск are you looking at?" I replied, "Sorry, but when I was about your age I had sеx with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."

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Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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You must have been born on the road, that's we're most accidents happen.

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I've met some рriскs in my time but you my friend, are the f*cking cactus

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You better rewind that attitude before I fast forward your аss whoopin.

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Daughter:
"Dad, a kid at school called me a lеsвiаn."
Dad:
"Smack her in the mouth and kick her in the vаginа."
Daughter:
"But dad she is cute."
Dad: ...

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Bully: Hey nerd, why are you so small?
Short kid: Because I'm impersonating your diск.

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Bully: how many eyes do 5 chickens have
Me: duh, 10
Bully: how many legs do 4 chickens have
Me: so easy 8
Bully: how many teeth does a cat have
Me: I don't know why
Bully: funny how you know more about соск than pussy
Me: that's because I have a соск and you have a pussy
Bully: ....

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Girl: i need google for my brain and anti-virus for my heart
Boy: and photoshop on your face

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WOMAN : if you were my husband id poison your coffee . MAN:if you were my wife id drink it.

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*phone rings* a mom picks it up
Caller: YOU SON OF A B**CH!!!!
Mom: He's in the shower it's the b**ch speaking

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*Kid shows middle finger to other kid* Kid:
"Wow you finally took that finger out of your аss?"

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KICKASS this if you get like this,
Kid#1- What did you do during the weekend
Kid#2- Your mom
(I say SHUT THE FUСК UP)

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Dentist - your teeth remind me of a song.
Me - which is?
Dentist - brush them everyday
Me - yours remind me of one too
Dentist - what is it?
Me - black and yellow

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Guy: Hey Hottie
Girl: Sorry but i dont like guys
Guy: We have alot in common

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Man: Have I seen you somewhere before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down here
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: If I could see you nакеd, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you nакеd, I'd probably die laughing.

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I've seen the Traveling Wilburys. Is this the ugliest group you've ever seen in your life? You know the group is ugly when Tom Petty is the best looking guy. It's the only group where the roadies get laid first.

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A nerd sitting down on his chair... "Badass" bully comes up
Bully : Hey nerd! I have 10 times more girls than you have!
Nerd : *Thinks of comeback..* 10 times 0 is 0, I guess we have the same amount of girls!

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