Insults

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Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she studied for her blood test.

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Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.

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If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fаrт.

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Swimmimg...it's not a sport...
Swimmimg...it's not a sport, it's a way to keep from drowning.

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How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

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Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on сосаinе and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's аss and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

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What do you call a beautiful girl in Russia?
A tourist.

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Whats the difference between Saddam Hussein ...
Whats the difference between Saddam Hussein and a bucket of сrар?
The bucket.

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You're so sтuрid that you had to call 411 to get the number for 911.

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Are you really that bald, or is your neck just blowing a bubble?

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Q: How is California like a granola bar?
A: They both contain nuts and flakes.

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Q: What do hillbilly chicks and polar bears have in common?
A: They both liск their paws.

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I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my аss.

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You have "mint" breath.
Mint to brush your teeth and forgot!

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Q: Have you ever seen a jаскаss wrapped in plastic?
A: Show me your license.

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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur any better jokes on this site?

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Can I borrow your face for a few days?
My аss is going on vacation.

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I never forget a face - but in your case, I'll make an exception.

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