Insults

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Can I borrow your face for a few days?
My аss is going on vacation.

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I never forget a face - but in your case, I'll make an exception.

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Q:What do me and a mirror have in common?
A:When we see your face we both сrаск up!

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If I needed any s**t from you, I'd squeeze your head.

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As an outside observer, what do you think of the human race?

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Q: What do Rednecks call four empty Cool Whip containers on a table?
A: Salad bowls

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Why are there only 12 Republicans in heaven?
If there were any more, it'd be hеll.

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I don't know where you got your face from, but i hope you have the receipt.

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A mime is walking aimlessly through a forest.
A tree falls on him.
Does anyone care?

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A Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye are night fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio River.
As soon as the redneck puts his line in the water, he slings a fish onto the bank. The buckeye isn't catching anything, so he yells across to the redneck, "Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!"
"Alright, tell ya what - I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!" the redneck yells back.
The buckeye replies, "Ain't no way, buddy. You must think I'm a fool. I know when I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!"

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Q: Why did the redneck cross the road?
A: He wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.

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The better part of you must have rolled down your daddy's leg.

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Q: Why didn't anybody hear Helen Keller scream?
A: She was wearing mittens.

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You are so small that when it rains, you are the last to know.

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Why don't you slip into something comfortablelike a coma.

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Q: How'd the redneck get lost in space?
A: He rolled down the window to spit out his chaw.

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If someone ever says, "What are you staring at?", Say "I don't know, give me a minute."

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Arkansas State Residency Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sеx: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_ Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know

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