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"Did you ever find the guy?"
''What guy?''
''The guy who beat you with the ugly stick!''
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Sтuрid People Euphemisms:
- Not the brightest crayon in the box
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
- Not the funniest clown in the circus
- Not the fastest horse in the race
- Not the sharpest тооl in the shed
- Not the brightest star in the sky
- Not the most likely Vice Presidential candidate
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You're like school in the summertime - no class.
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Q: How do you keep someone sтuрid occupied?
A: Tell them this joke.
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You sing so well you belong on a stage...
.... coach one leaves in five minutes!
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Tell me everything you know...
I have a few seconds to waste.
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She is so blonde, she thinks a thesaurus is a dinosaur.
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Things Never Said by Southerners:
- Duct tape won't fix that.
- Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
- We don't keep firearms in the house.
- You can't feed that to the dog.
- The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup - it's just not safe.
- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
- We're vegetarians.
- Do you think my gut is too big?
- Honey, we don't need another dog.
- Who's Richard Petty?
- We could just share a small bag of pork rinds
.- Too many deer heads detract from the decor
.- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today
.- Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?
- The tires on that truck are too big.
- I've got it all on the C drive.
- There's too much sugar in this tea.
- Checkmate.
- I believe you cooked those greens too long
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- Ако бяхте мой съпруг
Sagt eine Frau zu einem Bekannten:
Лейди Астор веднъж се обърнала към Чърчил със следните думи:
Sie: Wenn Sie mein Mann wären
Eine Frau sagt zu dem Mann ihrer Freundin: "Meine Güte
Under en middagsjudning sitter Churchill bredvid Lady Astor. Hon vänder sig till honom och säger spydigt: - Mr Churchill
A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunк at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink."
The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
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- The pickup is paid for.
- I won this belt buckle in the rodeo.
- I was just helping that sheep over the fence.
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Полунощ е. Медицинската сестра буди някакъв болен пациент.
- Vakna! Skriker Olle. - Öhh? Stönar pappan. - Du har glömt att ta dina sömntabletter!
- Тате - вика Иванчо - събуди се. - А какво има? - стене сънено баща му. - Забрави да си вземеш хапчетата за сън!
Warum gehen Blondinen immer auf Zehenspitzen an Medizinschränken vorbei? - Sie wollen die Schlaftabletten nicht aufwecken.
Vakna pappa
Una viejita le dice a su viejito: ¡Mijito despierte! Ummm
Lilla Marie får i uppdrag att påminna pappa om att ta sin medicin för natten: - Vakna pappa
Despierte
Vet du hva det verste med å ligge på sykehus er? Svar: Å bli vekket for å ta sovepiller
- Du må våkne
Pappa Stefan ligger och sover i sängen då lilla Anna hoppar upp i sängen och ropar: – Pappa Pappa
– Hvorfor vekker du meg? – Fordi du glemte å ta sovepillen din.
O portuga foi trabalhar de mordomo. Alguns dias depois
O Manuel vai trabalhar de mordomo: — Acorda patrão! Acorda! — O que foi ? — Está na hora do senhore tomar o remédio para dormire...
Hvorfor blev manden vækket af blondinen? Hun ville fortælle han havde glemt at tage sin sovepille
„Prosím tě
El padre de Pepito estaba durmiendo y le tocaba tomar su pastilla para dormir y Pepito llega desesperado a su casa y le dice: ¡ Papá despierta que tienes que tomar tu pastilla para dormir!
Seselė žadina pacientą
Eine Krankenschwester rüttelt an einem Patienten
- Herää
Har du hørt om kona som vekket mannen midt på natten? Han hadde glemt å ta sovemedisinen sin...
Rikard kom in till sin pappa och sa: - Pappa
Hur vet man att det är en norsk sjuksköterska? Vet inte? Dom väcker patienterna för att ge dom sömntabletter.
W środku nocy pielęgniarka w szpitalu budzi pacjenta. - Co się stało? - pyta zaspany chory. - Zapomniał pan wziąć tabletki na sen.
Esta un emfermo dormido y entra la emfermera y lo sacude queriendolo despertar ya despierto el emfermo preguntando ¿que pasa? la emfermera responde esque olvide darle sus pastillas para dormir
Ateina sesele pas mieganti ligoni ir sako: - Ligoni laikas keltis
Die Krankenschwester versucht
Q: Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
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Q: How do you know that someone from West Virginia invented toothpaste?
A: If anyone else would have invented it, it would be called "teethpaste."
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Q: How do you recognize a blonde's tricycle?
A: It's the one with the kickstand.
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times.
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Q: What's the position to make ugly babies?
A: Ask your parents.
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Q: What's another name for undercover cops?
A: Pigs-in-a-blanket.
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If my pants aren't at my ankles, don't open your mouth!
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A woman goes to the doctor for a check-up. When she gets home, her husband asks her how it went. She replies, "He said I have the body of a twenty-year-old.
Her husband says, "What did he have to say about your forty-year-old аss?" She replies, "Your name didn't come up."
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