Insults

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What do you call the space between a woman's вrеаsтs and her vаginа?
A waste.

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A woman wakes up one morning and open the blinds. Her husband, half-awake, says, "Close those blinds, those little boys over the road can see my nакеd body."
The woman replies, "If those little boys saw your nакеd body, they'd close their blinds."

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Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the рiss out of the pants.

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Two blondes drive through the middle of Kansas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields.
One blonde riding shotgun says,
"Look over there!"
They see another blonde in scuba gear who is acting like she's swimming through the wheat. The blonde driving says,
"It's girls like that who give us blondes a bad name. "
The other blonde says,
"Yeah! And if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and tell her off."

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- They don't listen.
- They don't come in when you call.
- They like to stay out all night.
- Only when you are trying to get things done do they want your attention.
- Mostly, they like to be left alone to sleep.

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Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: He needed a rough draft before he made a final copy.

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Q: What do rocks and women have in common?
A: Men skip them when they're flat.

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Why don't women need driver's licenses?
Because there are no roads between the laundry room and the kitchen!

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Q: Why do only 40% of men go to Heaven?
A: If they all went, it would be hеll.

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A man with greasy jeans, a flannel shirt, and work boots approaches the headwaiter in an elegant restaurant.
The man says, "Hey buddy, where's your crapper?"
The headwaiter calmly replies, "Go down the hall and turn left. When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen,' pay absolutely no attention to it and go right inside."

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What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrarri?
Porcupines have рriскs on the outside...

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- A vоdка please.
- Sir, this is McDonald's
- Ok, A McVodka please

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mom: What did you learn at school today?
me: Obviously not enough. i have to go back tomorrow

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- I wouldn't go out with u if u were the last person on earth!
- If i was the last person u wouldn't be here rетаrd!

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"Haha, you failed!"
"Yeah, so did your dad's соndом."

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Nerds phone rings in class.
Cool Guy - Awww, was that your mommy?
Whole class laughs
Nerd Guy - Nope, it was yours.
Whole class is silent ....

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Mum: Why!
Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said "at the end of this ruler is a idiот".
Mum: Yeah so
Me: I asked what end.

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Teacher: Where the hеll is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.

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