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  2. Insults

Insults

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Nerds phone rings in class.
Cool Guy - Awww, was that your mommy?
Whole class laughs
Nerd Guy - Nope, it was yours.
Whole class is silent ....
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Mum: Why!
Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said "at the end of this ruler is a idiот".
Mum: Yeah so
Me: I asked what end.
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Teacher: Where the hеll is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.
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Mom: Go clean your room!
Me: But its MY room.
Mom: And this is MY house.
Me: Then you go clean it.
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I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep. " Вiтсh you need to hibernate.
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Say addicted after everything I say.
drugs.
"addicted"
alcohol.
"addicted"
What hit you in the face last night?
"A diск did"
hahahaha
"f**k you"
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Wie lange Arbeitet ein Lehrer im Jahr? Што вели шефот кога му бараш покачување? - Квоооооо? Искате повишение на заплатата? Ебаси
Teacher: Why did you not study?
Student: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.
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Me: "Dude, I got my first kiss!"
Friend: "Your mom doesnt count."
me: "Ya, but yours does."
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Boy:
But ваве, I'm not ready to meet your family yet
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Whоrе: You're so ugly!
Me: Really?
Whore: Yes!
Me: Good, I was trying to look like you today.
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"dude that song is so old."
"i'm sorry, i didn't know music had an expiration date. what about your mom, she's old, but you still listen to her."
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me: вiтсh please, i could wipe ur beauty off with a tissue.
girl: go ahead then
me: get me one from ur bra
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"Why are you so quiet?"
Me: "Well, nobody plans a мurdеr out loud, do they?"
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Dad: Can you go get me a drink?
Kid: Cola or Pepsi?
Dad: Cola.
Kid: Normal or dietary?
Dad: Normal.
Kid: Bottle or Can?
Dad: Bottle! /:
Kid: 1L or 0.5L?
Dad: Sсrеw it, just buy me a water!
Kid: Normal or carbonated?
Dad: NORMAL!
Kid: Warm or cold?
Dad: Get out! Kid: Now or later?
Dad: I'm going to кill you !
Kid: Knife or gun?
Dad: Gun!
Kid: In the head or body?
Dad: EFF THIS!
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Oh your spreading rumours about me?
It's nice to know you have a hobby spreading things other than your legs.
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Keep rolling your eyes. Who knows, maybe you'll find a brain back there.
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Ψέμα ήτανε Une maîtresse demande à ses élèves: Учителката ги прашува учениците; Im Grammatikunterricht versucht die Lehrerin den Schülern durch Beispiele die Zeiten zu erläutern. Lehrerin: "Wenn ich sage ich bin schön La maestra le dice a los alumnos An old teacher asked her student A professora explica os tempos verbais: - Se eu digo "Eu fui bonita" Jantje zit in de klas en zit te dromen. Hij kijkt naar buiten en opeens valt hij in slaap Teacher says to class Учителька: — Послухай Okulda birgün Türkçe öğretmeni zaman kiplerini işliyor ve öğrencilerine bir soru soruyor : - Çocuklar -ben güzelim- dersem hangi zamana girer bu cümlem? Çocuklar hep bir ağızdan : - Geçmiş zaman... Une grand-mère demande à sa petite fille : - Quand je dis : "Je suis belle" - Jasiu
Teacher: I am beautiful. What tense is this?
Me: Past tense obviously.
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Blonde: I'm pregnant again... there must be something in the air!
Brunette: yeah... your legs.
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