Insults

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I'd ask how old you are, but I don't think you can count that high.

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When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

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A student asked his teacher how old she was. She promptly said,
"39 and holding." Then the student asked,
"Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"

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Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

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I'd hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave!

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If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

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You should be in commercials for birth control.

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After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
What did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
What did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
What did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
What do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
You where rubbing my gf's what?!?!

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If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!

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You have that far look in your eyes: the farther you are, the better you look.

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Oh your such a beautiful,wonderful,intelligent person. Oh im sorry i thought we were having a lying competition.

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He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

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I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

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Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

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How do you make your wife do anything for you?
Answer: Take away her Credit Card

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You're not acting like yourself today, I noticed the improvement right away.

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Guy: suск my dick
Me: sorry I cant put small things in my mouth I will choke

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