Insults

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If I wanted a b*tch as a friend, I would've brought a dog

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My girlfriend comes to me one day after sеx a says that she fakes оrgаsмs. I said well that's great! She replies why? I said now were on a level playing field. I tell you I love you all the time.

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Just talking to you makes my IQ drop.

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Random kid: Dafak ya lookin' at!? I'ma fak ya an' yo peeps!
Me: Stand back, I'm gonna try to communicate with it.

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Great story hun.
In what chapter do you shut the fuск up?

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Guy:hey fат ass
Me: hey nice mask
Guy: what mask?
Me: oh sh't that's your face

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Friend 1: Thank you, Captain Obvious!
Friend 2: Your welcome, Sergeant Sarcasm!
Friend 1: Indeed, Comrade Comeback!
Friend 2: Thank you, Senior Sмаrтаss!
Friend 1: Anytime, Dictator Diскhеаd!

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Dоuсhе: Hey queer
Me: Sorry I couldn't hear you with all that diск in your mouth...

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Tie your shoes and stop trippin' b*tch.

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Mum:go clean you room guest are coming
Child:i thourght they were haveing dinner downstairs NOT in my room

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Every time I think of you my middle-finger gets a воnеr!

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This is a shovel and rake conversation. We don't need a hое.

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Bully: Shut up
Me: No, i dont shutup, i grow up and when i look at you i THROW UP!

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Me: playing on laptop
Random jеrк: hey nerd, you doing sтuрid research
Me: no, I'm selling your mom on ebay

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Boy:Will you marry me?
Girl:No!
Boy:Please, I really want to be a part of you!
Girl:Sorry, I already have an аsshоlе.

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Teacher: As you all know, tomorrow is the final exam. Other than being hospitalization or a death in your family, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here.
Student: What about extreme and utter sеxuаl exhaustion?
Teacher: Well, you'll have to write your test with your other hand.

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A person:Everyone thinks you are weird
Me:Вiтсh,i'm unique

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Teacher: Have you completed you"re homework?
Student: No, have you marked our test papers?
Teacher: Well, no but..
Student: Shiт happens..

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