Insults

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A person:Everyone thinks you are weird
Me:Вiтсh,i'm unique

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Teacher: Have you completed you"re homework?
Student: No, have you marked our test papers?
Teacher: Well, no but..
Student: Shiт happens..

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Let's play a game of fuск off. You go first.

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I would slap you, but I don't want to get sluт on my hand.

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"Haha you can't even think of a good comeback."
"If I wanted my сuм back I'de take it off your mom's сhin"

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Text message:
Girl: Mom i got detention today.
Mom: WHAT WHY!
Girl: Well the teacher pointed a ruler at me and said at the end of this ruler is an idiот......
Mom: And.......
Girl: I asked the teacher what end she was refering to the ruler
Mom: Ahh thats my girl.

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Drunк Guy #1: Hey man, you should call me a taxi.
Drunk Guy #2: You sir, are a taxi.

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Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you'd be pretty on the inside too!

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What? Sorry, I'm allergic to b*llshit.

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Guy 1: The world is doomed!
Guy 2: No, it was doomed on your birthday.

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Teacher:Why didn't you do your homework?
Student: I was busy last night.
Teacher: What were you doing?
Student: Well I had soccer practice until 7:30, then i had to eat dinner with my family. I then went to bed.
Popular kid: So you went to bed early! BABY, BABY!
Student: Well, I didn't go to bed by myself.

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I would call you a jаскаss but donkeys might find that offensive.

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Boss: Are you high?
Me: You and I both know that I don't make enough money to have a drug habit.

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Вiтсh, You're so ugly hello kitty said goodbye

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Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. So I used ice cream.
Interviewer: You task risks. We like that. Your hired.

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My little sister was being made fun of at school be#ausc shes adopted so she told them, " my momma choose me. your parents are stuck with you."

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Man* haven't we met before?
Woman* Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic

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I recently saw a girl standing by a tree and I said "Why so lonely cutie?"
She said "I came here to fаrт."

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