Insults

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Me: Great story! Wanna hear mine?
Person: Sure!
Me: Once upon a time, no one gave a f*ck.

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Insult: I bet you havent dropped your ваlls.
Comeback: Ask your mum i dropped them down her throat.

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Guy - did it hurt?
Chick- what?!?!?!?
Guy - when you fell from heaven?
Chick - that is so swee-
Guy- because it looks like you landed on face!

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Person: Theres no I in team!
You: but there's certainly a U in Сunт!

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I'm sorry, I keep looking at your chest while you're talking... its just so beautiful. Is it real oak?

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Guy1: at least i have got a diск Guy2: what diск?
Guy1: the one that created you

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*When I'm eating сhiрs and talking*
Teacher: Would you like to share that with the class?
Me: B*tch, are you out of your dамn mind. These are for me and only me.

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I thought I was ugly,until I saw your mom

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Insult: You're gаy.
Comeback: You wish I was.

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Boy:
"Mom, can I go bungee jumping"
Mom:
"NO, you came in this world because rubber broke, I don't want you to go out the same way."

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I'd ask you on a date, but I don't like taking the trash out.

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Me: I love you. Her: Can you be a little more original? Me: I love you®

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When somone messes with me during class.
Me:I need to throw this in the trash*takes a Balled up paper and throw it at that someone*
Class:oooooooohhhhhhh

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The b*tch of the class strutted up to a fат kid and asked,
"When is it due"
The girl thought for a moment then replied,
" I don't know, ask your boyfriend"

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Teacher: Your behaviour is unacceptable.
You: Your face is unacceptable.

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Random Idiот: Spell ICUP
Me: I C U P Blood. You should get that checked out, you might have aids.

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Friend:
- And they lived happily ever after.
Me: Cool story, bro. Wanna hear mine?
Friend: Sure!
Me: Once upon a time nobody gave a f***

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You say "Alcoholism". I say "Liver Crossfit".

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