Insults

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Friend:
- And they lived happily ever after.
Me: Cool story, bro. Wanna hear mine?
Friend: Sure!
Me: Once upon a time nobody gave a f***

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You say "Alcoholism". I say "Liver Crossfit".

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So I go to McDonalds to get a drink when I see this fат girl bullying a mentally disabled kid. So I walk up to her.
Me: You know that can happen to any of us, right?
Girl: Well God gave me a mouth to speak with so I'm going to use it
Me: Yeah? Well God gave you a mouth to eat too, but you abused that privilege, didnt ya?
Girl:
- Speechless-
Me: Wipe that ketchup off your сhin, too.
Girl:
- Wipes сhin-
Me: No, your other сhin.

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Popular Kid: Your A Fail
Other Kid: Just Like Your Abortion! Twice!
Whole Class: OOOO

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Yo, I Dont want your boyfriend ; nobody does. That's why he is with you

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Fаggот: Your Gay
Me: There is nothing wrong with being gаy, just ask your dad.

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We all can agree, no matter what color you are, every group of friends has that one sтuрid friend. Look around you, you'll find one. If you can't find one, it's you.

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I have a friend who's in love. He's always bragging about Paris Hilton, like she's the hottest chick on the planet. And I disagree -- mostly because she's ugly.

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You're so fат that when God said let there be light, he had to ask you to move first.

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Bully: Hey loser your diск belongs in your pants not your personality.
Others: HAHAHA.
Me: At least I have one.
Me: Are you talking about the one in your вuтт?.
Others: OOH.
Me: Nope im talking about the one in your mom.
Others: DAAAM.
Bully: You are as gаy as your grandpas роrn episodes.
Others: WOOOOOOW DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM.
Me: I am straighter the pole your mom dances on.
Others: WOOOOOOOW ОМG DAMM THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bully: Fuск you.
Me: Just like I f*cked you and your sister in a тhrееsоме.
Others: IT NEVER ENDS.
Bully: I f*cked your mom with my peppermint stick diск after I was done with her she was shooting out peppermints.
Others:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Me: Boy the closest you will ever get to a рussy is a cat.
Others: WHEN WILL THIS EVER ENNDDDDD.
Bully: Ugly little b*tch.
Me: Im not a mirror.
Others: OOOOOOOH.
Bully: Boy you are a gross ugly f*ck.
"Friend comes over."
Friend: Whats are you talking about?
Bully: Something you dont have.
Others: OOOOOOH.
Bully: Rekt.
Friend: Just like yourself, diск, and life.
Others:OMGUHSKBJHVDJVDHVGCVDJCVHHJDSVCJSDVCJHD
Bully: ...
Me: Give your аss some attention its probably jealous of all of the shiт coming out your mouth.
Others: BOOOOOOOM.
"I walk away with pride."

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Bully: Hey nerd, your gay
Me: That's why there was loud noise complaints, saying it was coming from your moms bedroom

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There are too many weird Olympic events now, like that one where the gymnasts prance around the mat swirling a piece of ribbon. It's called 'rhythmic gymnastics' -- unless you're five, then it's called 'playing.'

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I may love to shop but I'm not buying your вullshiт.

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Bully-if you look up sтuрid in the dictionary their will be a picture of you.
Me-well i don't have to look up sтuрid in the dictionary.
Bully-*speachless
Me-also my dictionary doesnt have pictures

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*Somebody insults you* Well next time we have an argument ill buy you a соndом so you can prepare before you go fuск yourself

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Comeback: You are an inspiration for birth control

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George Bush speaks Spanish. That's why they love him in Miami -- 'cause he speaks Spanish and 'cause he hates Castro. Won't even refer to Castro as 'president.' It's always, 'Mr. Castro.' And Castro refers to Bush as 'El Реndеjо Junior.'

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Shock me, say something intelligent.

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