Insults

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What to do if someone calles you fат:
Yes, I am fат, but you're ugly and that will never change. At least I can diet.

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Вiтсh is your name Google?, then stop acting like you know everything!

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Lazy is such an ugly word, I prefer the term selective participation.

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Teacher: tells student to sit down now while he walking
Student: If I sit down now i will be sitting on the dамn floor

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Me: Siri, why am I still single?
Siri: *Opens front camera*
Me: *crying intensifies*

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My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said,
"I'm five." He said,
"When I was your age, I was six."

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You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be sтuрid anyway.

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Do you hate it when people who can't think of comebacks steal your comebacks all the time? Example: Rетаrd uses one of my comebacks
Retard: You should put a соndом on your head because if you're gonna act like a diск, you might as well dress like one.
Me: The only reason why you're using my comebacks is because you can't сuм back.

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Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

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Go ahead, dumb people, be offended by a joke that doesn't have a plausible premise.

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If your going to be a sмаrтаss, first you have to be smart, otherwise your just an аss.

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Loltard: Someone who uses 'lol' too much.

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Your diск is so small.
How would you know?
Because you showed me.
And I bet you stared.
I cant stare at what is imaginary.

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Telemarketer: Hi, can I interest you in...
Me: THANK GOD YOU CALLED! THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD! QUICK! WHAT DO I DO??

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A text chat:
Dad: You are the best son I could ever ask for
Me: You're the best parent I could ask for
Dad: Woops that was meant for your brother
Me: Woops, that was meant for your wife

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Friend: You're supposed to expand the brackets, dude!
Me: Like I expand your mum's legs every Sunday evening?

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He's as sharp as a bowling ball.

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Weirdoe "I'm bringing sеxy back!"
Me "Your the reason sеxy left!"

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