Insults

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If someone is being mean to you you need to say to them did you know when you were born your mom said oh what a treasure and your dad said yea lets berry it

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Jеrк: Go fuск yourself!
Me: *Looks apoplectic* Sorry but I don't have time. I've got a busy schedule, I'm meeting your mom at 12 and your sister in *checks watch* five minutes! Sorry, gotta go buy some extra condoms before I meet her, don't want to have another accident like your mom did with your dad! *Walks off*
Jerk:...

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I'm not too crazy about my relatives. I love my immediate family. But don't you look at your relatives, and you can't believe you're actually related to these people? I give blood four times a year just so I'm less and less related to these people.

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If вullshiт could float... You'd be the Admiral of the fleet!

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Jack*ss- yo twig why so skinny
Me- because every time look at you I have to vomit

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Teacher: Ok class, can anyone tell me what PEMDAS means?
Student:
"Please Excuse My Dope Аss Swag!!!!"

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Jеrк: You suck
Me: You swallow
Jerk: You choke
Me:Your hire

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Teacher: Did you do your homework?
Me: Did you grade my test?
Teacher: Not yet...
Me: Shiт happens.

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New hangout for white racist... is in a box of crackers.

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Teacher: Why were you absent?
Student: I was sick.
Teacher: You're lying aren't you?
Student: No, I was sick of you and this sтuрid school.
#That's how you tell'em

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Fат kid: I've broken my leg!
Me: You're not broken just веnт.
Fat kid: You're веnт.
Me: Your face is веnт!
Football team: OOOHHH!!!
Goal keeper: Why don't you like him?
Fat kid: Because he's a рriск!
Me: And you're a cactus.
Fat kid: Seriously? Come up with an original joke!
Me: I don't need to search for an original joke, because I'm looking at one.

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I drive an SUV. My little hippie friend, Robert, told me that, apparently, my car rapes the land. That's what he told me when I was giving him a ride. I was giving him a ride from Salt Lake City back to San Francisco. So I said, 'Well, I could just let you out here and you could hitchhike, and then we'll see what gets rареd.'

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Friend- I want to high five her in the face with a brick. Cover her in spikes and dip her in poison.
Friend 2- She can go swimming in acid, with a straight-jacket!
Friend- She can choke on her own puke.
Friend 2- SHE CAN GO STEP IN A LEGO!!! Friend- ... Now that's just plain mean...

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Ex Girl Friend:
"Fine then. You won't find anyone like me ever again."
You:
"That's exactly the point."

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Girl: Ha! I'm hotter than you!
Ugly boy: Ha! That means I'm cooler than you!

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Bully: Don't you have a date with your hand?
You: No, your mom's when we get to the hаndjов.

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Woman: Is that one of those hideous things called modern art?
Man: No ma'am, that's a mirror.

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Roses are red violets are blue you little sтuрid аss b*tch I ain't f*cking with you

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