Insults

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Calories? You mean happy points?

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Bully: Hey nerd suск my dick
Nerd: What you mean that soft spot in the middle of your pants
Bully: No the one that was in your mom
Nerd: How far did it go 1inch
Bully: .....

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Math teacher : what are you two talking about?
Student : math
Math teacher : what part in math?
What time it is to leave

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Guy you hate: you have no good comebacks
You:if i wanted my comeback i'd wipe it off your mothers face

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The super mario bros in middle school
Bowser: Mario get a life
Mario: *pulls out a green mushroom and eats it* thanks bowser! Now if you make me die of boredom, I'll still have 3 lives left!
Bowser: gimme your lunch money
Mario: *dies of boredom* *comes back to life* I'm sorry, I don't have any coins. I lost them all when I died from your stupidity
Peach: boys! Boys! Stop this fighting!
Bowser: Sup bae
Peach: *slaps bowser's face with her purse*
Mario: hey bowser I see the ladies like you
Bowser: why you little-
Mario: yes bowser I see I am the shorter brother.
Bowser: I HATE YOU SO MUCH
Mario: bowser, I didn't ask for what you say when you look in the mirror!
Bowser: I give up...
Mario: I didn't ask what your parents say to you constantly
Bowser: (?°?°)? ???

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Guy 1 - Hey I heard you're dating my ex girlfriend! How's that used рussy feel?
Guy 2 - Well after the first two inches it's like brand new!

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I have a perfect insult for you: And you're name is Lydia!

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Me: Do you need any help mom?
Mom: No love, but thanks anyway! ***10 minutes- later***
Mom: Are you serious?!! NOBODY EVER HELPS ME IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!!!!!
Me: But Mom, I offered help earlier...
Mom: Do not give me that tone young lady. ????
Me: *Mulitple curse words in my mind...*

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Me:watup fag
Other guy:thinks of sтuрid comeback*Atleast i have a diск and you dont hahahah
Me:the one up your аrsе dont count mate

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I'm an unoriginal niмrоd with no personality.
Tucker-

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There's a lot of people I don't think I'll ever get, but always number one on the list is the I'm Gonna Peal Out of This Parking Lot Guy.

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Are you always this sтuрid or is today a special occasion?

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Mum: Next time the bully asks for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mother's dresser.
Son: ...

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Girl: You're so fат! You have вiggеr тiттiеs than me!
Me: Вiтсh... It's not my fault that you're flat chested. Fuск out of here.

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Your so fат even blind people can see you.

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Texting:
Guy: Hi, my friend changed all my contact names, can you tell me who you are?
Girl: What does the contact name say
Guy: It says "Вiтсh".
Girl: Oh WOW... and BTW it's Andrea, your ex.
Guy: Oh, I guess my friend didn't change this one.

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You can tell that he's drunк. You know how? His name is Edward Kennedy, yet he calls himself Teddy. He's so hammered, he thinks his name is Theodore.

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Me: Will you shut the hеll up!?
Guy: Maybe if I gave a shiт then yes.
Me: Maybe if you had a brain you'd see that your voice makes everyone wanna jump off a cliff.
Class: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guy: Shut up, shiт mouths shouldn't be talking.
Class: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Then why are you still talking?
Guy: ..... F*ck......
Me: We're not talking about what you do every night to yourself now sтfu and sit the fuск down.
Class: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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