Insults

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You should need a license to be that ugly.

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Me: Fuск off!
Jerk: It says no dogs in here...
Me: You better get out then!

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Bully: Hey nerd I bet you have a tiny diск.
Me: how many letters in the alphabet?
Bully: 26 duмваss.
Me: no 25 because you got no D.

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Cool dude: Your face is so aggressive to my eyes!
Nerd: You're lucky that you have eyes!
Class:oooooohhhhhhhh! Burn!

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Jеrк: Fатаss!
You: It's not my fault your mom gave me a cookie everytime I f*cked her.
Everyone Else: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!

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Me: You're ugly.
Asshole: Are you sure you're not looking in the mirror?
Class: OOOHHH!!!
Me: Well I can't, because you cracked them all!
Class: OOOOHHHH!!!!

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Guy: You're Ugly!
You: Good, I Guess My Impression Of You Is Getting Pretty Good
Guy: *Speechless*

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How people deal with insults
Pre-school: *cries* I'm telling
Primary school: Go away, leave me alone
Middle school: Get sucked
High school: You got a problem b*tch?

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You know, the thing about your family is you're connected forever by blood relation to a group of folks who are really not your kind of people.

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Behind every fат woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.

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Friend: Did you see the fight on the playground yesterday?
Me: Yeah, the guy got kicked in the ваlls. Smart аss walks up to us
Smart аss: What are you guys talking about?
Me: Something that you don't have.

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Guy: Fuск me *in exasperation*
Me: No thanks, I don't want what you've got.
Guy: What? Good looks?
Me: No, AIDS, Неrреs and crabs
Guy: *quiet*

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You're trying to bring me down because I'm so much higher up than you.

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When I was a kid, I had this one aunt who used to always call me by my brother's name -- I mean, a million times, every time I saw her. Finally, I just snapped. I said, 'You are the biggest simpleton idiот pinhead I've ever met.' She got all upset, called my parents, told on me. My brother got sсrеwеd.

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Fаg: your fат like an elephant
Guy: cool that means I can join your mom at the zoo

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Friend: You have something on your сhin. No, the third one down.
Me: Why don’t you wipe it off for me and put it in one of those bags under your eyes?

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Popular girl: *talking about famous instagramer*
Me: who's that?
Popular girl: Ew do you like not have a life? *smiles back at friends*
Me:oh no, I do. I'm just not on my phone 75% of it, missing out all the important moments in life, like your boyfriend literally flirting with that girl behind you.
Popular girl: * turns around* *hits boyfriend* What the hеll Bryan!?

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Mom after Parents-Teachers meeting.
"Honey, you need to study you are not as talented as your friends, you can neither sing or dance"
"Who cares? I walk like Rihanna"

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