Insults

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Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Jerk: Sure
Me: You

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Ladies are forever saying "all men are dogs". Dogs are loyal if you treat them right.

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Bully: Shut up!
You: I don't shut up.
Bully: What do you do then?
You: I grow up,
When I look at you I throw up,
Then your mom comes to the corner and licks it up.
*Walks Away*

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Boy: hey bro I looked at a blind kid and he stated crying
Me:you should be used to things like that

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Bully: You;re so skinny you get rejected by the wheelchair.
Kid:At least i fit in a wheel chair

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Friend:Hey you want to hear something Funny
Me:Sure but I have heard your love Story to many times

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Boy: My soccer skills are the worst.
Me: Better than your life skills.
Crowd: OOOOOOHHHHH

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Student:can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher:I don't know can you?
Student: can I go to the bathroom?!?
Teacher: I don't know can you
Student: fuск it I'm leaving!

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Teacher: why do I hear talking?
Student: because you got ears you dumb аss b*tch

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When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

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Your moms like a shredder, she takes it in faster then she takes it out

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James: you are a shiт сunт fuск тwат wanker
Mike: why are you so angry james... is your тамроn in too far?
Class: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH

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Bully: Hey I bet I have more friends then you loser HA
Kid: Yep you know what... you do.
Bully: You wanna know why its cuz....
Kid: Yeah its cuz they all feel sorry for you.
Everyone Else: OOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

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Kid: What're you looking at?!
Me: At a mistake.

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Me: *makes a flat joke*
Friend: Wow! Want a prize for that?
Me: Yeah, why not, I can just refund it and get the money you paid for it with
Friend: How 'bout I just punch you in the face? You can't refund that!
Me: No, I'll just return that.

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Mom: Make your bed, Monica!
Me: Why I have to make it if Im going to sleep in it again?
Mom: Why do I feed you If I know your just going to die?
Me: Good point. Lesson Learned.

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If we were hauling any more trash into the ocean, we would have been boarded by Greenpeace.

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I saw a lady a few weeks ago at my gym... She was on the stationary bike, wearing a helmet. I was like, I have to do something here to mess with her; there's gotta be something I can do. I started looking around. I went to the pool, and I grabbed the life preserver ring off the wall. That ring thing I put around my head, and I got on the rowing machine next to her.

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