Insults

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Your breath is just as bad as your comebacks.

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Bully: *squirts water in your trousers*
Bully: HAHA! You wet yourself!
Me: Well, I made your mum wet last night

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Bully: LOL! I bet you haven't dropped yo воllоскs yet!
You: Ask your mother, I dropped em down her down throat yesterday.

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I would love to insult you... but that would be beyond the level of your intelligence.

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Comics are making fun of Asian people. It's not right. They know I'm goin' on the show. What's up with that? We're the only minority that gets made fun of while we're still in the room.

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Guy: Your d*ck is the size of a tic-tac
*Class goes oooohhhhhh!*
Nerd: Thts y your mom's mouth is so fresh

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Jeff: Im so popular
Bill: Nobody knows who you are
Jeff: YES THEY DO
Bill: knock knock
Jeff: Who's there?
Bill: Jeff Jeff: Jeff who?
Bill: EXACTLY

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Jеrк: You're fат.
Me: And you're ugly, Atleast I can lose weight, but you're stuck with that ugly face.

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Friend: Is that one of thoose ugly paintings that are worth a lot of money?
Other Friend: No it's called a Mirror
Friend: ..................

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Me: Hey, do you eat bacon
Friend: Yes
Me: Cannibal!!

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It's never sincere. There's always like a sarcastic subtext to it, you know? Like, what he's really saying is, 'What do you need, man who I would never in life consider having as a swim buddy?'
'What'll it be, guy who's probably terrible at every sport?'
'Can I help you, fella who's destined to spend the rest of his life drinking cheap whiskey, wearing a ratty blanket and hoping that someday the ghost dance will rise again like a native American Indian chief?'

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I went to the Reagan Library today. It's very nice; it's very roomy. It's not cluttered with books except for the ones he's read, and that one's being checked out. It's the Reader's Digest condensed version of 'The Cat in the Hat.'

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Principle: do you know why I pulled u from class!
Me: because I said you'll never find love!
Principle: and why did u say that!?
Me: I don't know go ask your last 3 husbands!

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If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.

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Entrepreneur: I like to throw pound coins in the air so that they land on me like rain drops. I call it the golden shower.
Random guy: Do you know what a golden shower is? It's where you get someone to рiss on you.
Entrepreneur: Why is that what you and your boyfriends do in your spare time?
Random guy: No, but it's what I did to your wife last night.

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Bully:
"What does my face look like?"
Me:
"Ayy lмао!"

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Аsshоlе: Fuск you.
Me: You know you wanna.

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"Bully points at ur shoes"
Bully: FAKE KMART SHOES HAHAHAHA
You: at least my Kmart shoes are realer than ur one dollar crocs

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