Internet Jokes

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My internet bride got delivered today, she’s the WiFi always dreamed of.

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That awkward moment when two of your friends break up, and you have to decide which one you want to stay friends with.
So you stay friends with the one you wanna sleep with.

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From Facebook:
“Dirтy dishes prove i feed my child, messy floors prove that i let my kid have fun, piles of clothes prove i keep my child in clean clothes, a messy bathroom proves that i bath my child! So next time you walk into my house and see a mess, think twice before you judge!!! keep this going if u r a parent”
I just thought it meant you were a useless, lazy slаg.
What do I know.

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Just replied to an ad offering me hot sеx with an older woman.
Should be interesting. I am 86.

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How do i turn off caps lock? i accidentally turned it on yesterday and i don't know how to turn it back off. All my friends are mad because they think i am shouting at them over internet. Please help!!!

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A friend told me there was life outside the internet and that I should check it out.
I asked her to send me a link

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Just a quick message to all the women out there…Having over a thousand friends on Facebook and 85% of them are men doesn’t mean you are popular…. It means your vаginа is.

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You can always tell the girls that are up for sеx on Facebook.
The fат ones.

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I don’t think my friends understand that when they send me text messages and I reply with the words “Lol.”
It doesn’t mean you’re funny, It’s because I can’t think of anything else to say, so fuск off.

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I was offered sеx today, with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Dettol, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanilla.

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I’ve just seen an advert on Роrnhuв that claimed it could “teach me to have sеx without cuming”
I’m not paying 25 bucks for that when I could just ask my girlfriend how she does it.

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The 3 things that the most people lie about on the internet:
1:Yes, I am 18 or older.
2: I have read and accept the terms and conditions
3: Hold on, I'll be right back

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I still remember the old days when I used to load my computer with a floppy. That all changed after internet pоrn was invented.

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Texting wasn’t always easy.
In my day you had to work for it.
You had to want it.
You need an S ?
You had to click the 7 button 4 times.

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"Did you hear the one about the guy who was writing for an online joke site?"
"No, what happened?"
"Apparently the site kept rejecting his jokes due to poor grammar!"
"What?!?! Everyone knows perfect grammar can sometimes ruin the delivery of a joke!"
"This may be true but apparently you’re not allowed to dangle your participle on the internet!"

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Imagine how much fun women in burkas have tagging each other on Facebook.

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"Top 10 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password"
10. E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
8. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like (alt. Recreational. Catnip).
7. Your web browser has a new home page: (http://www. Feline. Com/).
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog."
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
And the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

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I bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do" and then came the internet.

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