Internet Jokes

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The inventor of internet роrn died last week.
Most of his friends attended the funeral, but had to leave hastily when their wives turned up.

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Life is an internet. 30 days after you met she wants you to register and begins taking taxes every month.

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Apparently sеx seriously improves your memory.
I read that in a book.. Wait it was a magazine.. Actually I think it was the internet.

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Everyone needs a time-out now and then.
10. It takes 10 minutes to scroll through your bookmarks.
9. You find yourself racking your brain for new search subjects.
8. Instead of going to the bathroom, you "download."
7. You'll only go on vacation if there's electricity, a phone line and a local dial-up number for your ISP.
6. You go on vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem.
5. You find yourself typing . Com after every period when using a word processor. Com
4. You wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
3. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
2. You check your e-mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
And the top sign you're addicted to the Internet ...
1. You chose the location of your next home based on whether there's a high-speed broadband connection available.

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A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the
Dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out my web site!" The hound asked
For the address and the dalmation responded,
"Www. Dalmation. Dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.

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*If someone types this on the internet*
Bully: I will kick your ass
You: You're behind a computer screen acting tough. That seems legit.

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I came home from work to find my wife knelt on the bedroom floor, crying her eyes out.
“You dirтy ваsтаrd”, she yelled, “Why did you marry me if what you’re really into is African women? I’ve found hundreds of your DVD’s”.
I then saw she’d uncovered a big box of my роrn.
“You silly sausage. I’m not into African women”, I replied
“Those are just the “A’s”.

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This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.
He said,
"Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed. I had a roof over my head. I had TV and internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA online. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked,
"What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I just got out of prison."

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A lady tells the doctor at the maternity hospital: I think I will call my little newborn Anna.
Doctor: Sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153.

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I got this new drug -- it's called the Internet. I don't know if you've ever heard of that. It's a drug, 'cause one minute, you're sitting down, checking your e-mail, and four hours later, your pants are down to your ankles, and you feel awkward and lonely. And you know you should get up and walk away, but you can't.

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There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, Internet or simply handed to you by a colleague ... DO NOT OPEN IT.
This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "I've had enough...
I'm off to the pub." The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of вееr (or ruм punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.

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Using the Internet's like trying to get help from a rетаrdеd librarian.

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Every time I look at internet роrn, I get an annoying pop up.

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‘Big black dude rapes skinny Eastern European chick’
Pretty much describes my favourite type of роrn.
And the Wimbledon Women’s Final.

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A couple of facts according to wikipedia:
The average реnis length of a human male - 5.5 inches.
The average реnis length of a male who searches “average реnis length” on wikipedia - 3.5 inches.

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Dear Роrn Websites,
If I could get ripped in 4 weeks and have sеx with gorgeous local girls, would I really be on here at half two in the morning, pants around my ankles, маsтurватing in my own filth?

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My internet is so slow, it took 4 hours to jеrк off to a 20 second роrnо.

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My internet bride got delivered today, she’s the WiFi always dreamed of.

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