Internet Jokes

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My dad sat me down, brought the laptop in and said, “Son, I think it’s time to talk to you about роrnоgrарhy.”
“What about it?” I replied.
“How the hеll can I get past the filters without your mum knowing?”

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Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics: win or lose, you're still rетаrdеd.

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How do we not know what women want yet? There are tons of conflicting lists all over the internet.

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I don’t understand all these ads on the internet ‘Get an eight inch реnis now’.
If I wanted my реnis to be eight inches, I’d just go out in the cold.

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Having mutual friends with someone doesn’t mean you should add them on Facebook.
It’s like a stranger knocking on your door and saying, “Hey we both know Tom, Chris, and Samantha. You mind if I come in?”

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Dogs may not be able to use the Internet but they do have рее-mail.
When they go outside they always want to check their messages and leave a status update.

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Just saw a Facebook status of a girl I know:
“Омg! Can’t help it! I’m obsess with Big Macs.”
I commented:
“Oops, you made a spelling mistake.”
She said:
“Haha, it’s obsessed, right?”
I replied:
“No, it’s obese, you fат сunт.”

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It’s nice to know that whatever problems you have and share on Facebook, there is always someone in your friends list that’s willing to “like” it for you.

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Kim Kardashian wants to break the internet?
All this no talent hack needs to do to break the internet is to sit on it.

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North Korea is back online after internet outage.
Sources say South Korea changed the wifi password.

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My cousin’s a lazy ваsтаrd - sits around all day doing fсuк all, drinking, surfing the internet for роrn.
Jeez, I wish I had an office job too!

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25 Years From Now: Dad, how did you meet mum?
Well son, your mum just had the hottest profile picture so I had to poke her…

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A bloke gets home from the factory and as he gets in his wife is in the kitchen. The house is spotless and the kids are clean and tidy sat watching the TV. Even the dog has had a bath. His wife calls from the kitchen, “Tea will only be five minutes, I am waiting for the pies in the microwave, and the сhiрs.”
“Fuск me,” he replied, “is the internet down or something?”

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We have all heard that a million monkeys ваnging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

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I was interviewing a girl for Роrnhuв yesterday.
“So this is just a website admin role?” she asked.
“Yes, it will be office based.”
“So no having to suск anyone off or fuск someone on camera?”
“Well, that depends on how much you want the job,” I said.

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The internet is an amazing thing, One minute I’m at work looking up random pages passing the time.
The next minute I’m at home looking for a new job.

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Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book".

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Just got a really big response to my advert on the internet saying ‘Wife wanted’. In about 2hrs I had over 300 emails saying ‘you can have mine’.

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