Internet Jokes

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Personally I don’t give a shiт if there’s local girls in my area. I’ve just had a wаnк and I’m really not in the mood any more.

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Does anybody else hold off on сuммing until the роrn star does?
Makes you think you’re one of them doesn’t it?
Even if you have just fast-forwarded the last 20 minutes

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I’ve always wondered why роrn films can be over 45 minutes long? I mean if it takes you that long to have a wаnк, you should be in them, not fuскing watching them.

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Behind every good selfie are approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.

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Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them?
Now they put everything online and get mad when people don’t.

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So I’ve decided to give up on online dating.
My wife’s idea

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My wife caught me on Роrnhuв so she stripped nакеd, and asked me to act out a scene with her. It was my ultimate fantasy.
I was hammering away when this bloke tapped me on my shoulder.
“Excuse me mate,” he said. “Do you want to get ripped in four weeks?”

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Did you hear about the pornstar who had a heart attack whilst filming?
He had it coming.

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Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place.

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Don’t you find it strange how choosy you become when surfing роrn?

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How can you tell if you have been spending too much time at home on the Internet?
Your spouse emails you a message saying dinner is ready and she/he uses the address
"Your spouse@home. Com."

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Joke Cafe one liners.
Because we shouldn’t have to think up our own facebook statuses.

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Asking someone a question used to be a good way to start a conversation. Now that we can just “google it”, I almost feel like asking someone a question makes me look lazy or weird for not having just searched for it on the internet.

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After socializing and being nice to people all day it’s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an аsshоlе on the Internet

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My wife accused me of loving the internet more than I love her.
It’s hardly surprising; every so often my internet goes down on me.

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I love selling stuff on the internet to people who don’t know you
I’ve already sold the same homing рigеоn 24 times on eBay.

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If you’re sick and tired of every Аsshоlе on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.

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The LIKE button: also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything.

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