Internet Jokes

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What’s the biggest difference between Google and Роrnhuв?
I’m willing to go to the 2nd page of search results on Роrnhuв.

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The ice bucket challenge has really raised my awareness of something.
It’s made me a lot more aware that a shitload of people I know are attention seeking сunтs.

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Personally I don’t give a shiт if there’s local girls in my area. I’ve just had a wаnк and I’m really not in the mood any more.

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I’ve always wondered why роrn films can be over 45 minutes long? I mean if it takes you that long to have a wаnк, you should be in them, not fuскing watching them.

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You have to admit that the ingenuity and inventiveness of the human race is nothing short of astounding. Look how far we have come.
At one time early humans were nomads just walking around nакеd. Then they invented clothes and learned to build dens in which to live.
Then we discovered the wheel and learned how to make tools. Then came farming and organised civilisations.
Eventually we had the industrial revolution and machinery.
Then we learned to fly and invented TV and radio.
Then computers that were quicker than any human brain.
Then came the invention of the internet, the super highway of information that enables people all over the world to sit and watch other people er… walking around nакеd.

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Behind every good selfie are approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.

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Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them?
Now they put everything online and get mad when people don’t.

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So I’ve decided to give up on online dating.
My wife’s idea

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My wife caught me on Роrnhuв so she stripped nакеd, and asked me to act out a scene with her. It was my ultimate fantasy.
I was hammering away when this bloke tapped me on my shoulder.
“Excuse me mate,” he said. “Do you want to get ripped in four weeks?”

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Did you hear about the pornstar who had a heart attack whilst filming?
He had it coming.

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Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place.

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Don’t you find it strange how choosy you become when surfing роrn?

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Joke Cafe one liners.
Because we shouldn’t have to think up our own facebook statuses.

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If you type “Tilt” into Google the page tilts.
If you type “barrel roll” it will do a barrel role.
I been typing “pay your taxes” for the last fсuкing hour.

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Asking someone a question used to be a good way to start a conversation. Now that we can just “google it”, I almost feel like asking someone a question makes me look lazy or weird for not having just searched for it on the internet.

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After socializing and being nice to people all day it’s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an аsshоlе on the Internet

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My wife accused me of loving the internet more than I love her.
It’s hardly surprising; every so often my internet goes down on me.

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I love selling stuff on the internet to people who don’t know you
I’ve already sold the same homing рigеоn 24 times on eBay.

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