Internet Jokes

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My power went out this afternoon, and of course the internet went down with it. So I got up and wandered around. …
….
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Gosh, I never knew how nice the people living in my house are!

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If you’re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you’re probably boring.

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I never comment on a joint FB account post because I never know who said it, the wife or the p ussy.

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My wife was fuming when I untagged myself from some pictures she put on Facebook.
“They were totally embarrassing though,” I pleaded.
“Embarrassing?” she snapped. “It was our fuскing wedding day, you ваsтаrd!”

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I wonder how many people read my FaceBook statuses and say, “I hope he’s getting professional help”?

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This website contains adult material that is not suitable for anyone under 18 years of age. If you are under 18 you are not allowed to use this site without parental consent”
“…Muuuuuuuum can i have a wаnк?”

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I went to meet a bird I’d been chatting to on a dating website.
I said, “I don’t mean to be rude but you look a lot different to how you look in the photos.”
He said, “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

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Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don’t have long to live.

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“Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately.”
“Worry not, Commissioner, I’ve already changed my Facebook profile picture.”

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Facebook should make a вiggеr deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.
I managed to find a really attractive girl I’d seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she’s lucky it’s only me wanking and not some pervert.

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Facebook revamped its search feature. Now you can search for any post that has ever appeared on your page. It’s helpful if you want to waste time this year remembering exactly how you wasted time last year.

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Someone nominated me on Facebook to write down 7 things that nobody knows about me.
Ok I thought, here goes.
1) I never ever take part in lame fuскing Facebook fads.

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Wondering if Facebook is hiring because I just put in my 40 hrs this week.

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“Have some respect for the dead!” he said.
I replied “Is that all lower case?”

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My ex updated her status to standing on the edge of a cliff.
So I poked her

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There are times when I ask myself why I’m throwing my life away.
But then I cheer myself up by watching funny cat videos on the internet.

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Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

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I’ve been given one of them tablets that helps you get an еrестiоn.
You go on the internet and watch роrn films on it

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