Internet Jokes

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I was really hot earlier so decided to cool myself down with a bucket of ice water.
While I was at it, I decided to video it and make myself look like I give a fсuк about charity too.

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I’m beginning to understand why all the Soap Operas are going off the air.
It’s because everybody is on FACEBOOK airing out their dirтy laundry.
I mean who needs Days of Our Lives. I’ve got Days of Yalls Lives right here! Commercial free!

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There are 3 things in life that are certain -
Death,
Taxes,
And that if you load up Windows Media Player and the volume control is set right down to 2 or 5 out of 100, it means that the last person on there was watching роrn.

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James Bond is constantly ripped, amazing at poker, and seems to know where all the good looking girls in the area are.
Three guesses how he spent his time as a teenager…

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Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever.
I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.

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I hate when people inbox me to tell me how funny my statuses are……..
Mother fсuкеr there is a “Like” button for a reason!

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I was watching a роrnо and this girl managed to gag on the bloke’s соск for up to five minutes at a time.
Amazed by such a performance, I tried this with my wife and ended up killing her.
Turns out that I just have a slow internet connection.

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There’s an embarrassing video of me using incorrect words that has made it’s way onto the net.
To make matters worse, it’s gone virus.

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I was on the train today and couldn’t help but notice the bloke sitting next to me streaming роrn on his mobile phone.
I was furious. How can he get a signal in a tunnel and I can’t?”

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“I don’t know why you bought that laptop. You never use it,” said my wife.
She only says that because she checks my browsing history every day.

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If you can go to the gym without telling people on the Internet, you are instantly hired by the CIA.

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When I see a girl nакеd, I first look at her hair. Then at her eyes, lips, neck…
Damn dial-up!

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We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life.
Now we’re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet.

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I am very wary of online date sites now. I answered one where the girl’s profile said, “People say I’m a sаinт.” …
…
Sure enough, when we met up. she had a face like a sаinт-a Sаinт Bernard!

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In a survival situation, you can drink your own urinе.
Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.

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The wife shivered in front of the camera, after having had a bucket of iced water poured over her head.
“That was awesome,” I laughed. “But you didn’t nominate anyone.”
“Because I was fсuкing sleeping, you c*nt!” she yelled.

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I read this article about how the internet is allowing people to get free music and movies illegally and such piracy is killing the respective industries. Вullshiт! We’ve all downloaded loads of pirated free роrn and the роrn industry is booming!

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Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date?
Like you’re fresh out of the wомв ready to join Gmail.

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