Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

I’ve heard some sympathy stories on X Factor but this one definitely got my vote…
‘I nearly didn’t come, but it was my dying brother’s wish to enter me.’

0

0

Back in the day, you might get a few smiles telling this joke:
“Wherever you find four Baptists, you’ll find a fifth.” …..
All those jokes about fifths are gone, along with typewriter jokes, TWA Airlines jokes, rotary dial phone jokes, Bill Clinton jokes, etc. Distilleries don’t sell hоосh by the fifth any more.
Try getting a laugh in the courtroom pleading the 750 Milliliter.

0

0

We got four boring seasons on the east coast: winter, spring, summer, and fall. You ever been to California? Wind, fire, mud, earthquakes.

0

0

Treat people in wheel chairs like everybody else. Steal the rims.

0

0

Q. Why is life like toilet paper?
A. Because you’re either on a roll or some а$$hоlе is crapping on you.

0

0

I’ve lost my home, I’ve lost control and I can’t see any escape. Definitely time to get a new keyboard.

0

0

Wanna hear a joke? Scroll down.

0

0

What do you call it when a prisoner has to pay for a self taken photo ? A CellFee.

0

0

A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering the waiter about the air conditioning: first he would ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because it was too hot, then he would ask it be turned down because it was to cold, this went on for about a half an hour. To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the waiter was very patient, walking aback and forth and very pleasant. So finally a customer asked; why don’t you just throw out the реsт? “Oh, I don’t care,” said the waiter with a grin, we don’t even have an air conditioner.”

0

0

According to my niррlеs, winter is officially here.

0

0

Student: may i use the bathroom?
Teacher: as long as you can recite the alphabet.
Student: abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
Teacher: wheres the p?
Student: running down my leg.

0

0

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

0

0

One day Bill Clinton was talking to Hillary. He was going on a vacation and before he left said,
"Whatever you do don't look under my bed." So while Bill was on vacation Hillary got curious and decided to look under his bed. She found a million dollars and 2 empty вееr cans. When Bill came home she said,
"What's with the two вееr cans under your bed?" Bill replied, "Oh. That marks all the times I've cheated on you."
"Well, I forgive you," said Hillary, "But then what's with the million dollars?" He replied, "I've started to recycle."

0

0

She's so dumb, she couldn't even break a dress code.

0

0

The "I'm not interested" starter pack includes the following texts:
- Maybe.
- Nice.
- Hahah aww...
- Oh...

0

0

Why do they call it rush hour and your car just sits there?

0

0

Girl: do you have a naughty side?
Boy: sometimes i dont do my homework.... On purpose! SO НАRDСОRЕ!

0

0

I told a girl on the flight that she was pretty. She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."
So I asked if she remembered the quadratic formula.

0

0