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A Blond and her Brunette friend where chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirтy her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone the blond retort’s.
Thats nothing once we we’re in the kitchen I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming one minute I turned and He just got it all on my face it was so thick and hard! it covered my mouth, my nose,my shoulders, and eyes it even got in my hair; and when i looked up at him all he could say was whoops the Flower went everywhere!

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Sign outside a hair salon: We’ll color your hair or dye trying.

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All zodiac signs have a hair style but cancer is just a one way thing

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If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

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The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up

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An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife nакеd in bed with Leon Trotsky.
“But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?” Asks one of the guests.
“Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.

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What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Lets call this one a draw

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A boat carrying red paint ando a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned

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One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, “OH! THE HUMANATEE!”

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6:30 has to be the best time, hands down

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Son: mom what is dark humor?
Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!!
Mom: exactly!

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Patient: I’m starting to forget things
Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?

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Нiтlеr visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Нiтlеr salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn’t saluting.
Why are you not saluting like the others? Нiтlеr barks.
"Mein Führer, Im the nurse," she responds "Im not crazy!

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By the way, this joke is easily found on Google, this was not created by me, I just have not seen it in these fат jokes so I thought I’d say it.
Doctor: I diagnoss you with obesitiy.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

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So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely:
“I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

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When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!

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Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news
Patient: What’s the good news?
Doctor: I’ve got u flowers
Patient: Awww, What’s the bad news?
Doctor:
They’re for your grave

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